There, I said it. I typed it –I admit that I am a “people pleaser”. Even though this soon-to-be 60 year old woman likes to believe she’s made huge strides in this area of her character, there is a remnant of worry which I like to call “What if everyone doesn’t like me or what I say or do?” So, what if?…..

Before I elaborate on that question I will tell you that I HAVE made a vast improvement in the realm of wanting or believing that I had to have approval from everyone whether it was in various work settings, church, community service, relationships, and at home. I’ve been part of Bible studies, prayer groups, women’s retreats and major conferences so hearing and absorbing “knowledge” has not been lacking–what was and continues to be a shortcoming for me is “application”. There’s a verse in the Book of James that says “do not merely hear the Word, but be doers of the Word” (my paraphrase).

I’m not sure when and where people pleasing became a garment that I was so willing to take out of my personality closet and wear with gusto. An examination of my childhood reveals memories of wanting my parents to be pleased with me for reasons other than I was their third child and fulfilled their dreams of having a daughter. Was that enough for them? Was it enough for me? I wasn’t really good at any particular ‘thing’ as a child. I was accustomed to hearing that I was ‘cute’ but not ‘pretty’ (unless it was dad doing the talking) I was smaller than most of the kids in my classes even through high school. I donned much needed glasses by 5th grade thus gaining a new garment–“four eyes”. I had and still do bear a tooth that didn’t quite fit into the top front row of my teeth–thus another term “buck tooth” echoes in my mind. How does admitting this small fraction of childhood fit with being a “people pleaser”? I developed using humor as a shield. If I could make other people laugh my sense of safety and feeling accepted scored points on the board of “I’m Okay, They Like Me” game.

Another aspect of being a people pleaser is developing the inability to say “No”. Oh, the anguish of feeling pressured to make sure I didn’t hurt anyone’s feelings by not obliging to a request even when doing so meant I was stretching my valuable time. Partnered with this “can’t say no” is taking on an attitude of “If I don’t do it, who will?” I fell into that trap when my kids were in high school. At one point it took a trusted friend to sit down with me and discuss/reveal to me that I had 7 plates spinning in the air (remember those kind of jugglers featured on a variety show?) Picture those plates nestled on top of their flexible poles, begin the spinning one by one until all are rotating in unison and you have a pretty good idea of how my chaotic schedule was from week to week for several years. That meeting taught me the most valuable lesson I had in life at that point in the time–the ability to say “no”….permission to say “no”.

Fast forward from the meeting with my friend to the present. I’ve already admitted my struggle and have shared my sense of victory in fear of living as a “people pleaser”. Lest I think I have failed, I have not. On the contrary, during my years of struggle I found a well known and popular verse in the Bible that says “seek first the Kingdom of God and all else will be added to you” (again, my paraphrase) That verse, joined with other teachings from the Word over the years have given me the freedom and the release I needed. I exchanged being a “people pleaser” for becoming a “God pleaser”. I already have His unconditional love because that’s His character. I have His acceptance as a daughter because I chose to put my trust in His Son, Jesus Christ. So, if I do NOTHING else in life, I’m OKAY. But, I don’t want to live a “nothing” life. No, I am choosing to live a “somethings” life….somethings matter,,,,,,,somethings don’t!

“Seek to please Me above else….” this was the opening sentence in today’s devotional. Thank you, Lord, I needed that reminder and affirmation that I’m not created to make everyone around me happy. I’m not here to make sure things around me happen. I’m not here to live under falsehood and lies.

My closet has been cleaned. The “people pleasing” garment has been removed and destroyed. The clothing given to me that bore hurtful nicknames has been long gone as well. Another exchange took place. My closet is now full of “righteousness” clothing. I’ve got quite the wardrobe and it was totally free. Well, free for me but paid for by an incredibly enormous price by my Abba Daddy. His Son, Jesus Christ, gave His life sacrificially in order that I might share in His sufferings but above all, walk in His Victory.

So, what if someone doesn’t like me? I’m okay with that. What if someone is offended by something I may say? I’m okay with that. What if I say “no” to a friend and they are caught off guard? I’m okay with that. What if that old “people pleasing” spirit keeps trying to become reacquainted with me? I’m not okay with that. What if?…..still working on eliminating that question from time to time and rejoicing that the scoreboard that reflects my progress is looking better and better in my favor.