This 2018 summer is not the season that I had desired nor anticipated.  As winter gave way to a beautiful spring I found myself in a usual state of excitement longing for warm days that would allow me to get outside for long walks, runs and bike rides. The month of May was a beautiful month of emotional preparation and then my thorn in the flesh dared to stab me, and ultimately brought all my well-intentioned exercise plans to a screeching halt. In mid May a recurring issue with lower back pain came back to redirect my aspirations.

I found myself nursing my aches and pains with home remedies, a lot of rest and admittedly not doing much physical activity at all, even relying on over the counter pain medication to get through some of my days. In the month of June I was scheduled to ride 100 miles on my bike to raise money to support cancer research that benefits children. I think I rode about 20 miles total–my body was not up to the demand of being on my bike.

A second bout with my back pain took me to my family physician who listened to my concerns, prescribed a muscle relaxer, gave me an order for physical therapy and advised I not ride my bike until my body was healed. The thought of giving up bicycling was not news I wanted to hear, however, I accepted it. Off to a local physical therapy office I went where it was confirmed by the staff doctor–“no more bike riding….” I COULD however, continue to walk and exercise based on knowing my “limits”. So, for the months of June through late July, I was in therapy three times a week for a total of 8 weeks.

Each week during that time period brought new or unexpected results. On most of those days and weeks I still battled pain in my lower hip or the middle of my back which extended up through the neck. As I was learning and doing all my required stretches I found a few good days where indeed I was able to enjoy a walk, complete with a bit of running along my route. I wanted to remain determined and purposeful with my exercise in order to feel good, sleep well, and have good emotional health too. The hard days made me feel very low, questioning if I’d EVER feel better, EVER have a pain free day. I felt robbed and cheated from the summer I had envisioned, yet in all of this I was also determined not to become bitter or resentful towards my body or with God. Many mornings in my time with Him I cried out for healing, asked “Why, Father?” or sat in silence as I longed to be free from this thorn.

Physical therapy visits stopped in late July. August is almost behind me and so is my achy back. I have improved immensely and while I will wait  to investigate a new bike (which includes a proper “fit”) I have resumed walks, yoga, stretches, and even some running. I’m having more good days versus bad, for which I am thankful.

In addition to reflecting on what I have perceived as a “loss” I must also admit to the “gains” I received. In the course of being less active,, which gave me more time to sit quietly with God, I was able to ask some questions of Him that relate to my emotional healing, and true to His Word, He was faithful. Those reflective questions and answers are for my ears alone, but important to note here their significance in understanding the summer I was given rather than the one I planned and selfishly thought I deserved.

Now, as summer 2018 fades into the cool and beautiful shades of fall, I am looking forward to several weeks of good weather to be outside doing all of my favorite activities. I’ll have plenty of time to reflect back on the challenging weeks I encountered as well as remain grateful for new lessons I learned.