Recently I saw a meme on social media that said (my paraphrase) that when a person pops into our dreams at night, it’s their way of saying “I miss you” and “I wanted to visit with you”. While the sentiment behind this statement is very endearing and most likely comforting for many people, myself included at times, in reality it makes me cringe with everything inside me when I measure it up against sound theological doctrine. Perhaps that sounds harsh, but as a woman who truly wants to know God, understand His ways and ALL of scripture–even the hard stuff–I can’t ignore telling you that our loved ones who have died do not come back to visit us in dreams with messages. Certainly, it doesn’t mean that our dreams don’t allow us to enjoy good memories of our dearly departed loved ones. Lord knows, I have and do dream about my now deceased parents, brothers, grandparents….it’s never occurred to me they are trying to talk to me. 

When I dream about my dad he is vibrant, full of energy and love, laughing and loving which was the core of his personality. Dad lived with dementia for 3 ½ years which robbed him of who he was for almost 90 years. In some of my nighttime dreams he is no longer living in memory care, has returned to our family home, yet as I journey through the dream I am worrisome, concerned that his room at the care facility will not be available for his return even though I have been paying the fee every month.

Dreams about my mother are different. She died of cancer and often my dreams focus on her love for her home…cooking and baking…being with all of us which was one of her favorite things in life. I can still remember a dream when she and I were at a banquet (party) and she was enjoying a third piece of cake. I had said to her “Mom, you’re eating a lot of cake!” to which she responded “Didn’t you know that HERE we can eat all we want with no fear?” Perhaps the excess cake incident gave me a glimpse of heaven’s bounty without earthly boundaries….

My brother also died of cancer. Our relationship hit some rocky spots for a few years and thankfully before he died proper amends were made from both of us. When I dream about him we are happy, laughing, young, full of energy and he is whole again.

Last night I dreamt about my dear Aunt Esther and Uncle Harold, though the dream’s events focused more on her than him. Set in a home that was not theirs, she was busy in a kitchen full of bright white cabinets. She was preparing a meal, scurrying about the kitchen with no effort. My son’s family was with us and there was an implication that when the day’s activities settled down she’d be reading and teaching our grandson, age 3, from a stack of books. All of the images in my dream make sense…Aunt Esther was a teacher by profession. She loved to teach and learn new things. She enjoyed hosting family dinners in her home. She was a wise, loving woman who sought after God and the study of scripture. When I woke from the dream I thought it odd that it was Aunt Esther I had dreamed about. She’s been gone a while now. When I opened my social media account I saw a post from her son. Today is her birthday. I know there are no coincidences with God and as I said, I don’t believe that Aunt Esther is missing me and came to let me know. Even so, if it sounds contradictory, perhaps God gave this dream on this day with her as the focal point, to give me some time with her.

That’s how I think about all my dreams that have my loved ones “back in them”. I choose to believe it’s God giving me a little bit more time with them during my nighttime hours of slumber and rest…knowing I will have all of eternity with them when I pass to heaven. Years ago I asked my dad if he ever dreamed about his parents after they died. “Yup”, he said. “I think it’s God’s way of letting us have a little more time with them.” I drew comfort from his gentle wisdom and insight in that conversation.  Now I’m enjoying wonderful memories that flood my dreams….visits…meals…laughter…with dad, mom, Dave, John, in laws…aunts and uncles….soaking up all the “little bits of time” being returned to me.