WAITING ROOM CONVERSATIONS

Put me in a line of people….a crowded room….a packed elevator….a waiting room….and I’m in my element. Do I enjoy and embrace the agony of “waiting”…standing or sitting for time to pass and deliver its intentions? Most likely not! Which is why my craving for conversation usually kicks in when I find myself in ANY of the above situations. On occasion, I’ve been gently teased or chastised when my “gift for gab” kicks in. I dislike quiet very much. Life is too short in my humble opinion to let a group of people in my midst go to waste…there’s things to learn…questions to ask….answers to be found tucked inside all those minds merely waiting for me to boldly lure them into comfortable lighthearted conversation. It’s an art! It’s a gift inherited by one of the greatest conversationalists of all time–my dad! I learned from the best…and most of all it’s fun and as I like to think….makes our world a wee bit kindler and gentler!

Recently I gave a ride to a very dear friend who needed to see her dentist for an emergency tooth problem. Rather than drop her off and return, I took a chair in the empty waiting room. At first it appeared that no one else was going to be visiting the dentist on this particular afternoon, but soon, that observation was wrong. Within minutes of us arriving a steady stream of people entered through the doors, mostly very young children. A ha! I declared quietly to myself–it’s a day off from school and these wise parents made cleaning appointments for their “littles”.

Two precocious young boys came into the building along with an older woman. She got them checked in and without much delay  both off for their appointments. She sat down near me and we both smiled at one another when our eyes met. I could tell she was tired…yawns and physical fatigue have a way of communicating non verbal evidence of life’s daily toil. “Are you their grandmother?”, I asked.

“Yes”….and the well was uncapped. Without divulging every detail I learned that the two boys “came to her” when they were 4 and 6. “I thought they were doing ok down in Tennessee”….”but I was wrong…I guess drugs took over” …her voice trailed off with an edge of sadness. “Of course I took them, but I’m old. I’m tired. I wasn’t ready for all the things children need…dentists, doctors, rides to baseball…school”…adding to her anguish was admitting that her husband was struggling with the unforeseen raising of two boys after being empty nesters. I listened with what I hoped were understanding eye expressions, an occasional nod in agreement, and lots of smiles, and words of encouragement, especially when they left to go home. “God bless you”, was all I could muster as she got those sweet energetic boys out to the car.

Next up, another sweet grandma with another set of boys, these much younger. The older of the two was in for a dental cleaning, too, and baby brother age 2 was in a stroller–probably for crowd control. Both were in their jammies which I found out later “was how they wanted to dress for the day and I wasn’t about to argue”…accompanied by a precious smile and nonchalant attitude that most grandmas display. She was younger than me and as we struck our conversation she volunteered the boys’ father was 6,000 miles away from home at the moment….her daughter was working and she had the boys for the day…she was very open about her diverse family…telling me the boys’ father is from Zimbabwe–they had brown curly hair and olive skin tones compared to her own features which she told me were East Indian. Goodness, she even told me about her son marrying a beautiful Jewish woman and how that caused some conflict with her orthodox father and this family’s Christian religion but as I listened to her describe her beautiful family I got the sense that “everything was working to the good of everyone”…it sounded like love was the common thread weaving people from different countries and cultures together into one beautiful piece of fabric.

After the waiting room emptied out, I was still waiting for my friend. My mind drifted to this question: I wonder how many grandparents are raising grandchildren? So, as I sat down to write, I did a quick search through the Internet and found the answer is approximately 2.7 million are in that role. Why? Sadly, the most common answer is due to addictions and overdose situations (www.pewtrust) Here are some other stats from www.fathermatter.org.

• 36% of grandparents who are raising their grandkids have done so for more than 5 years.
• Families that have a grandparent raising a grandchild help to save taxpayers over $6 billion each year because they keep those kids out of the foster system.
• 21% of grandparents who are taking care of their grandkids are living below the poverty line.
• Children who are placed with another relative makeup over one-quarter of the foster care system in the United States.

Personally, I have close friends who are raising two grandchildren. They came to their home as very young children and are presently in their teen years of junior and high school. My friends are in their early 70s and though they admit it’s not easy, it’s God’s faithfulness and grace sustaining them every day.

I applaud EVERY grandparent who has or will step in to take on the second go of parenting. Admittedly, I’m not sure I could do it without feeling angry, resentful, selfish…well, you get the picture. From the beginning of time, God’s plan was for parents to raise their children and send them off in due and proper time to establish their own homes. In a perfect world that would be picture perfect…sadly, it is not…as evidenced by my good friends….with my chance meeting with two grandmothers this week, one raising two little boys 24/7 and the other filling in the gaps for a working momma.

My husband and I have four grandchildren, too. We’ve done our fair share of care for working parents and we have enjoyed every minute of their precious time with us…we also admit older bodies take a while to recuperate from playtime, meal preparation, diaper changes, bathing, picking up toys…and though we miss them the moment a parent’s car leaves the driveway and we slump into a chair, we can’t wait to have them in our home again…

Cheers to EVERY grandparent raising and loving their precious offspring. Though I greatly respect these selfless folks, I freely confess it’s a group I don’t want to join…yet, IF for whatever reason I found myself being asked “Can you help with __________?” Would you hesitate to wager my response?

By the way, National Grandparents Day is September 10. I think I’ll mark the calendar–not to expect anything–but rather to be reminded to give a “shout out” and lift a BIG prayer for every grandparent with their “littles”, “tweens” or “teens” living under their loving care.

HEARTS

Here we are in the month of February…much of winter’s harshest days are behind us now….Christmas decorations have been safely stored away for another year…my snowmen are still guarding their spots…soon to be crowded out by the arrival of Valentine’s Day which means cards…hearts shaped candies…chocolates…and lots of love floating in the air. It also means that February is “Heart Month”…something I have NEVER paid attention to in the past but has taken on considerable significance after last week. On January 31 my wonderful husband had a heart attack while sitting in the comfort of our home.

Suddenly, chest pain, sweating and nausea took on an entirely new meaning to the question “how are you feeling?” as he lay back on our bed to take inventory of how and what he WAS experiencing in the immediacy of the symptoms. The next few minutes were a blur as I made a phone call…..got us loaded in my car and sped off to the local hospital which is about 13 miles away. An EKG confirmed our fears and our late afternoon, which is typically spent preparing for a weekly meeting we oversee, changed to one of him getting an ambulance ride to a distant hospital and me arranging my own transportation to follow….AFTER making necessary calls to our children.

The days that followed his attack included three stents being placed in his arteries…gaining a team of doctors and nurses that quickly became our lifeline for four days….sleeping through interruptions from nurses and constant beeping noises of machines monitoring his vitals. I summed up my experience as though I was watching a movie of someone else’s life….surely this wasn’t happening to us. My non-smoker/not overweight/healthy-looking guy stumped the doctors with a need for emergency surgery that saved his heart from severe damage….leaving both of us stunned and grateful–mostly that latter!

Our few days in the hospital have many other wonderful stories that came from our unexpected experience–trauma?–and I’m quite certain they will pop up in my blog in the near future. For now, it’s safe to say we are very excited to be home. Five new medications now line the cabinet in our bathroom….food choices are slowly being reviewed….thank you notes are being written to good friends and pastors from church who dropped everything in their lives to be by our side when we needed friendship and support the most.

So, I’m reflecting on “Hearts”….I have never enjoyed the game of Hearts….I don’t get caught up in giving my guy a gift on Valentine’s Day–although that may change this year?–I will probably send our grandchildren a little card to make them smile and feel loved.  I missed wearing red on the first Friday in February which is supposed to raise awareness about heart disease….red is my favorite color; I think I’ll wear it more often now. But, I DID make a donation to the American Heart Association through our oldest granddaughter’s school fundraiser…good timing on their part I’d say….

Having an issue with one’s heart is never a good thing, but thankfully–when something serious does happen…there ARE wonderful teams of physicians who enter your life unexpectedly and become your February is Heart Month heroes….along with everyone else that you cherish and love very dearly.