“Pride makes us artificial and humility makes us real” (Thomas Merton)

I honestly don’t know anything about Mr. Merton other than what a quick search online told me about who he was. One area of renown for him was his achievement becoming an influential American Catholic author in the 20th century. Regardless of his education and understanding of theology compared to my own, the above quote ties in perfectly with Step 7 from the recovery program. This step reads: “We humbly asked Him to remove all our shortcomings”.

I’ve met a lot of people in my life who truly struggle with being humble. Pride is very much a stronghold in we humans and I’ve witnessed my fair share of that character trait as well. Even false humility can be disturbing behavior when it’s being used as a mask to make ourselves appear to be something we are not. Embracing humility as a virtue has additional rewards such as what Proverbs 11: 2 tells us: “With humility comes wisdom”.

When folks attend a Celebrate Recovery meeting for a calendar year, they will hear about 26 lessons. Lesson number 1—which is taught at the beginning of January–is titled “Denial” and addresses our need to sincerely stop denying that we have a problem, an addiction, a destructive behavior wrecking our emotional and/or physical health, or damaging our relationships with others. Coming out of denial can be tied to becoming humble along the road to recovery, thus we reach a point when evaluating our lives that we are recognizing our “shortcomings” defined as a fault, failure to meet a certain standard, typically in our character. 

I had a high school friend who became a lawyer. When I met “B” in high school, though I liked him for his humor and talents, he had a tendency to be very arrogant, sarcastic, argumentative, and enjoyed making others look foolish. Some of his traits may have appeared to be perfect for litigating cases before a judge and/or jury, yet I remember when a family member of his told me about an experience where “B” thought he was the cat’s meow in a court case only to have the judge verbally shred him. I can only imagine how angry “B” became in the aftermath, yet knowing him as I did, I’m almost certain he could not or would not ever admit the judge may have made some valid points while scolding a young attorney. “B’s’ ‘ behavior, his negative traits are what we at CR mean when we begin defining our “shortcomings”. However, unlike “B” being confronted by a judge for all who were present to witness, God is a gentleman and will do necessary “scoldings’ ‘ in the privacy of our prayer life with Him. Now, don’t misunderstand me when I use the word “scolding” in relation to God talking to us. He doesn’t yell. He doesn’t scream. His words with us are not harsh, BUT they can and sometimes will be very direct, and will come from His heart of love and discipline towards us.  Afterall, Hebrews 12: 6 says: “For the Lord disciplines those He loves, and chastises every son He accepts.”

When we take time to truly evaluate our shortcomings in the presence of God, we receive the most powerful acts from Him which is His faithfulness to forgive and to purify us from all unrighteousness! I don’t know about you, but those words which come directly from 1 John 1: 9 give me hope and assurance as I work through recovery!

“B” and I no longer have a relationship; it was severed a few years ago after having over 50 years of friendship. He never changed from being a prideful young lawyer. Even after years of practice, achieving many possessions in life, being forced to retire sooner than he planned, his life when we parted our ways was still one accentuated by the character traits I listed above. If I were to apply Merton’s quote to “B’s” life, I could honestly say my former friend is living trapped in pride which makes me wonder, draws me to pray, what is buried so deep in his hidden emotions, his soul, that make him appear to be living a “fake” existence when God could enter and make things “real”.

I can only imagine that if “B” were ever to accept someone’s else’s wisdom, it may absolutely be the key to unlocking the door to exposing his shortcomings that are keeping him from living a more healthy, joyful life.

Ladders come in a variety of heights–6 foot, 12 foot, 24 foot, goodness–probably any size a person might care to make or purchase! Depending on the job at hand, the right size ladder may be necessary in order to get a task accomplished. Personally, I am not a fan of tall ladders and feel my best standing on solid ground or using a step stool for things that don’t require a lot of height. Why talk about ladders this week? In the 12 step program I’ve been writing about, we have reached the middle of our ladder if there are 12 rungs. This week I am focusing on Step 6 which says: “We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character”. The scripture that tags this step is from James 4: 10 “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up.”

I’ve been around a lot of people over the course of my adult years and I can safely say I’ve met my share of men and women who struggle with humility. I’ve witnessed power struggles in the workplace as well in social circles. Part of our human nature exposes those individuals who want to be in control, using pride and selfish gain to maintain a sense of “being in charge” or “complete control”. 

By the time a person who is working on recovery gets to Step 6 the hope is that self awareness settles in to realize 1) we aren’t in total control of our lives and 2) we are “all in” to allow God to do major surgery to remove flaws in our character. Much like open heart surgery, the process will be painful, sin and habit patterns will be discovered buried deep within our minds and spirit, but precisely as a surgeon’s hands work to remove cancer from a person’s body, so it is with God. He guides His hands to lovingly and skillfully remove cancerous thoughts, habits, and destructive coping mechanisms from us. The key is we “have” to be ready. Anyone going into a surgery or medical procedure knows there will be preparation which is only temporary. Recovery participants also get ready for Step 6 by climbing the previous five rungs on their ladder which is completion of Steps 1 through 5. 

More than we desire, at Celebrate Recovery we see people come to our meeting for the first time; they are excited to learn how to overcome an addiction or destructive behavior and declare “I’m ready!” accompanied by a promise “I’ll be back!” “This is exactly what I need!” Sadly, most will return for about 4 to 6 weeks and never return. It seems our human nature that tells us to look for a “quick fix” takes control over the realization that truly changing, sincerely desiring a healthier lifestyle takes hard work which cannot be accomplished overnight or in a few weekly meetings. When this happens it’s the leadership’s intentions not to judge or criticize. Why? Because that’s what I did.

In the mid 2000’s I went to Celebrate Recovery to work on anger. I attended six weeks and dropped out because I thought I  had cured my problem. I had begun to feel better and build new ways to respond to my anger. Then, in 2016, life had thrown some hard curve balls over a three year period and I went back and have not missed many meetings unless of vacation or illness. I was ready and taking a look at my life now all the way back to the previous years leading into 2016, I am very thankful and proud of my diligence to invest “my” time every week to be part of a group that welcomes me–flaws and all–(until removed!)

One of my favorite concepts that is taught by my pastors is how Jesus doesn’t wait for us to get our act together before choosing to attend church or asking to be in relationship with Him. On the contrary, He wants “all” to come to Him regardless of circumstances that keep us from Him. Celebrate Recovery is the same. Do you use alcohol or drugs to cope with life? Do you overeat because it’s a temporary salve to soothe unwelcome emotions? Do you verbally or physically abuse your loved ones? Do you have a gambling addiction? Do you struggle with sexual integrity? Do you wonder why you are angry and unable to determine why? If you can answer yes to these or anything else that is keeping you living an empty life, Celebrate Recovery is a great place to begin investigating the “whys” behind your actions and choices for coping, learn how to repair broken relationships. 

We won’t have you climb tall ladders. You don’t have to jump through any hoops. You don’t even have to believe God exists and loves you. But, in our ministry we do and will always point to Jesus Christ as the only one who can truly promote healing from all that ails you. If that’s a concept you’re ready for, if that’s the kind of ultimate surgery you want, then there’s no preparation for that undertaking other than driving to our meeting, parking your car, and walking into a group of people ready to climb your ladder of healing with you. 

We meet every Tuesday, 7 pm, at Fowlerville United Brethren Church. All meetings are safe and wrapped in confidentiality. We have a wonderful group of people who are willing and always enthusiastic to “help lift you up” from all the burdens of life. 

Movie fans of Sylvester Stallone as a small time boxer from Philadelphia whom we came to know as Rocky, may recall that part of his training involved running, and in one scene from this 1976 iconic film we see him climb the 72 stone steps leading up to the East entrance of the Philadelphia Museum of Art in Philadelphia. That scene put the museum on the map for global fame! 

Movie producers gave us a total of 10 Rocky films which included a spin off to him becoming a trainer for a new boxer in the arena, Adonis Johnson. Each movie drew crowds. Admittedly, I know I have not seen all 10 of them even though I enjoyed the first three for sure. 

In the 12 steps we use for Celebrate Recovery, they do not physically compare to someone running up a building’s 72 steps, but effort and time spent “working” and “climbing” each step can be exhausting. Physical training drains us of energy…emotional healing often brings deep wounds from the secret place in our soul to the surface where pain is confronted for the first time. This process can only be achieved when we embrace admission that each one of us has done things that are wrong. Thus, Step 12 says: “We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs”. I’d be a liar if I told anyone that this step is easy. Afterall, our human nature tells us to keep matters private, that we can get away with wrong behavior–especially if no one is looking–or we manipulate the facts of how a situation played out for us. Even those of us who are Christ followers often forget that “nothing” is hidden from God and in addition, no matter how we might lie to ourselves, deep down truth prevails. 

Step 5 also involves partnering with someone you trust because during the process of implementing this step in recovery conversations will begin to take place as we open ourselves to reveal our wrongdoings, not to be judged, but for healing to begin. James 5: 16 is a perfect guideline for the person who is sincerely seeking to be healed emotionally, physically and spiritually. It says: “Therefore, confess your sins to each other so that you may be healed.”  In the verses preceding this one, a variety of questions are posed. Is someone among you in trouble? Is someone among you ill?

These simple questions along with their instructions form a beautiful part of Christian community which is exactly what Celebrate Recovery offers. In fact, the national leaders coined a very simple phrase years ago to describe the unity and power available to all who attend–”We are forever family”. Some who attend our meetings are so estranged from family for valid reasons, that attendees become their “family”. Folks who don’t live near immediate family have men and women who become “brothers and sisters”, creating relationships and friendships that fill gaps for them. You and I are not meant to live life alone, the fellowship and security provided by being part of CR’s “forever family” is priceless.

Very few people will bravely step into a boxing ring, yet it also takes great courage to walk through the doors for the first time to attend a recovery meeting. We often tell people “the longest walk is from your car to the doors”. Mustering courage and following through is an achievement that begins to cancel Satan’s hold on all the messes in your life whether of your own doing or unfortunate actions against you. I love what Psalm 18: 30 says: “As for God, His way is blameless. The word of the Lord is tested (it is perfect, it is faultless); He is a shield to all who take refuge in him.” (Amplified Version)

Rocky Balboa had a trainer. He had his boxing gloves to punch and shield all the hits thrown his way. We have God, the ultimate teacher and protector for all who place their trust in Him. 

If you’re tired of “being sick and tired of being sick and tired” because of the messes in your life, put on your shoes Tuesday evening, muster your courage and determine that you will walk from your car to the doors that lead to a new path of living life in the abundance God desires for you. We meet at Fowlerville UB Church, 7 pm. All adults 18 years and older are welcome!

Do you enjoy participating in a scavenger hunt? I do. In this race of time game to locate hidden clues and their answers, strategic planning and speed are the best techniques to come out as the winner. What does a scavenger hunt have to do with Step 4 in the recovery process for an individual? That’s the focus of this week’s column as I continue describing Celebrate Recovery’s 12 step program.

In Step 4 it says: “We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves”. Before I go any further to expand on this statement let’s unpack some key words. The definition of search is: try to find something by looking or seeking. To be fearless means: to be brave. A moral person is: concerned with judgment of right and wrong, conforming to the standards of right and wrong. An inventory is: a detailed, itemized list of one’s possessions. In the use of Step 4, it’s our past hurts, habits and habits that make up  “possessions”.

Psalm 51 is one of my favorites I use when sitting quietly to confess my wrongdoings to God. I especially meditate on verses 10-19 which say:

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.

Cast me not away from your presence,and take not your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.

The entire psalm is credited to King David after the prophet Nathan came to him and confronted him regarding his sinful relationship with Bathseba. If you aren’t familiar with the story, David had an affair with her, a married woman and they created a child together. Acknowledging his sin, David repented and his personal thoughts are recorded for us in the 19 verses of this psalm. 

I think most of us would honestly admit that we do not enjoy it when even a trusted friend approaches us to point out a character flaw or sinful habit that has us trapped in rather than facing it, admitting the stronghold that behavior may have over us, and making sincere effort to remove from our attributes. By the time recovery participants reach Step 4 they find themselves at  a crossroads…continue the hard journey and make the turn to keep pursuing health or choosing to end the quest altogether. The first option stems from being brave while the latter is rooted in fear. 

A verse that accompanies Step 4 is from Lamentations chapter 3, verse 40 which says: “Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord”. A closer look at the entire chapter reveals that whoever wrote this had personal experience being at the hand of God’s wrath. Subsequent verses describe what he endured and when we reach verse 39 a hint is given as to “why” we should examine our ways and test them and “why” we should return to the Lord. He asks this simple yet profound question: Why should the living complain when punished for their sins? 

Sin separates us from God but the good news is that when we confess our sins God is faithful to forgive and cleanse us from all unrighteousness (my paraphrase of 1 John 1:9

By completing Step 4 we are not looking to heap guilt and shame on ourselves as a result of openly admitting our wrongdoings. On the contrary, this step is one of considerable power to help in confronting our deepest wounds and hurts that have molded our personalities and behaviors.  Left in the dark, they choke us. Brought into the light of Christ, they are exposed and no longer entangle us.

I have two very dear aunts, both deceased now, that learned such a lesson when they were little girls. Their chore was to plant cucumber seeds for my grandma and the work was going quite nicely until they tired, wanting to play instead of work, so they cut their task short by throwing the last of their seeds into one last pile at the end of the row. They thought their plan was effective until one morning when grandma asked them to go for a walk.  They made their way down the garden row, giggling, holding hands, enjoying time with their mother until she brought them to a halt at the end of the row. “Would you just look at that girls? All these vines are twisted, not growing very well, quite the tangled mess. That’s how sin is. It starts out small and before you know it, if not taken care of properly, it grows bigger and bigger and isn’t of any use to anyone”.

Lesson heard, lesson learned. There were no harsh words, no scolding. Merely a loving mother who needed to teach her young daughters that taking short cuts with necessary work can lead to an unhealthy outcome. What they thought had been done in secret had been exposed and brought into the “light” to teach right and wrong.

Just as my grandmother was able to come alongside my two aunts and help them learn a lesson in order to break a habit from forming, Step 4 isn’t done alone either. By this time in the recovery process an individual has identified a trusted person to help make their inventory list, listening to them share about it without offering judgment or counsel. It’s a powerful step that produces a healthier person at this stage of the process and exemplifies the power of God’s love no matter the depth or magnitude of sin.

If God can forgive King David for all of his choices and still remain being described as a man after God’s own heart, I’m confident to declare that the same kind of love is available to you as well.