Standing on your 12 step ladder, you are now on the last rung. The effort of climbing each rung has allowed you to go higher and higher with each step, gaining and maintaining your sure footedness with each movement of your legs and feet, hands gripping the sides of the ladder to balance your body. You have reached your final goal but the work you’ve set out to do isn’t finished. You have:

• Admitted powerlessness over addictions
• Came to believe in a power greater than ourselves
• Made a decision to turn our lives over to God
• Searched ourselves
• Admitted our exact wrongs
• Ready to have God remove defects in our character
• Asked God to remove our shortcomings
• Made a list of people to make amends to and carry it out
• Continued to take inventory of wrongs
• Improve our contact with God

And now, Step 12, “Having had a spiritual experience as the result of these steps, we try to carry this message to others and practice these principles in all our affairs”. How do we accomplish this? In Celebrate Recovery not only do we have 26 lessons to teach, we have testimonies from our group and across the country, those individuals who have completed a Step Study and write “their story” of life before recovery and after working these steps. One of my favorite stories of transformation comes from Jeff Stultz, Founder & National Director of Broken Chains which is a fellowship of motorcycle bikers who “have hope and healing in Jesus Christ through the Christ Centered Recovery process helping others to realize that change is possible”. Jeff’s early life included:

• Drug & alcohol addiction
• A father who mentally abused him, physically abused Jeff’s mother
• Engaged in violent behavior leading to his involvement in bike clubs for 15 years
• Robbing drug dealers at gunpoint
• Caused his parents to go bankrupt from lending him money and use of credit cards to support his drug addiction (they thought they were investing in his business)
• Meeting Preacher Biker Doc Ray who invited him to church and on April 22, 2007 having an encounter with Jesus Christ
• Introduced to Celebrate Recovery by new friends Jim & Deb

For the rest of Jeff’s incredible story, you can watch and listen on YouTube. Either type his name in the search box or use this link: youtu.beSVUzmDlxi2g?si=lxjJblbxlLZDlWaX

Jeff’s testimony and countless others in Celebrate Recovery tell of redemption, healing, hope, and restoration–all through Jesus Christ. In our own group we have several men who are celebrating victory over pornography use, gambling, drugs and alcohol. We have women learning how to heal from past sexual trauma(s), living as a codependent wife to an alcoholic husband, men and women learning healthy coping skills when anxiety takes over an otherwise clear mind. Some of our stories are very dramatic, others seem quite minimal when comparing childhood homes, experiences, and relationships that shape us. One thing we all have in common is our desire to be better, to be more healthy, to be set free from our own “chains” keeping us from all of the latter.

This past week, our church family heard one of our elders share “his story”. The majority of us had no idea that this wonderful man, who loves and serves God with a beautiful heart, had an addiction to alcohol until a few years ago. His willingness to be open and honest during his message was a clear example of being willing to share God’s redemptive work to repair a shattered life. I sat in awe as I listened but I also had to ask myself “I wonder how many people in these chairs have “something” they’ve kept secret, too’, a habit or sin that is driving decisions versus surrendering those things to God in order to become whole.

Step 12 is all about hearing from others how recovery works. In order to hear, there must be listeners. Our meetings average about 25 in attendance each week. I am thankful for EVERY person who makes it to our meetings, but honesty and selfishly, I know that not only in my church family or the community of Fowlerville as a whole, if more men and women would embrace Step 1, admitting powerlessness over addictions and compulsive behaviors, we’d see transformation in our families that would astound the world around us in our homes, our workplaces, our social gatherings, our schools, businesses–everywhere we spend our time.

Jeff Stulz spent 15 years living in two motorcycle clubs. He now spends his time traveling our country speaking to groups, helping Celebrate Recovery groups, running a successful business, spending time with his wife and a daughter who reconciled with him following his ability to make amends to her for all the heartache he had put her through. By the way, if you’ve watched the movie “Home Run”, Jeff plays the role of the umpire!

If you didn’t know Jeff, if you met him on the street, you may cower in fear and cross to the other side. I’ve met Jeff, and I can tell you he oozes Jesus and he gives the best hugs! He still looks like a biker, but he rides for a greater purpose now! That’s what God does, He doesn’t erase our past; He turns it into a new road–the road to recovery!

Still have questions? Email me at: celebraterecovery@fowlervilleub.org Want to talk in person? That can be arranged, too. We have male and female leaders willing to give of their time. You can call 517.223.9490 and leave a message for me with our staff. Someone from our team will gladly call you.

Goodness, in explaining and describing the 12 Step program of Celebrate Recovery, we have arrived at Step 11. “We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us, and power to carry that out”. There’s a lot to unpack in this sentence, however, a word I’d like to focus on is “conscious”, or in other words, having an awareness of one’s environment and one’s own existence, sensations, and thoughts. To look a bit further into what it means to be aware, I looked online at several sites to read about our conscious and subconscious minds. The information I liked best comes from berkeleywellcoming.com.

What Is The Subconscious? Our subconscious is all the activity in our brains that occurs without our realizing it (Malim & Birch, 1998). This includes not just thoughts and feelings, but also the activity of your brain as the control center for your body, such as its signals that make your body successful in things as basic as breathing and as complex as parallel parking a car or improvising on the guitar. In other words, the subconscious is both things we do not realize we are doing and also thoughts and feelings we do not realize we have.​

Subconscious vs Conscious Mind: In contrast to the subconscious mind, our conscious mind is all the thinking and feeling we are aware of. We can clearly see the difference by way of example: Suppose I am at the park with friends and somebody throws a frisbee in my direction. I might have some conscious thoughts as the frisbee is headed my way – “Do I know this person?” “Is it rude to stop the conversation I’m having?” “Will the frisbee hit my friend if I don’t catch it?” – But once I consciously decide that I want to catch the frisbee, it is subconscious mental processes that will guide my body through the motions of catching the frisbee.

So, how does this apply to being instructed to engage in intentional conversation with God? How do we discover what His will is for our lives? In his book “The Purpose Driven Life”, Pastor Rick Warren writes a blueprint for Christian living in the 21st century, a lifestyle based on God’s eternal purposes, not cultural values. We begin with God, our Creator. We can discover the reasons for creating each one of us. We were made BY and God and FOR God. Warren’s book helps the reader to understand how knowing God’s purpose will reduce stress, focus energy, simplify decisions, give meaning to life, and, most important, prepare us for eternity. 

So, to accomplish a good relationship with God, there’s several things we need to consciously choose to do each day: Have a quiet time with God *Listen to Him *Plug into God’s power *Slow down *Enjoy your growth

Nothing excites me more than watching a newcomer walk into Celebrate Recovery, attend our weekly meetings, engage in the studies we offer, work the steps and slowly make positive changes that replace habits and heal hurts. Above all, it’s very thrilling to witness active and sincere connections with God through worship and a healthy prayer life. We have many men and women who exemplify the words of Colossians 3:16: “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly”.

Our brains, our minds, our emotions, thoughts, and feelings are amazing things, all created by God. The science of studying these topics is very intriguing to say the least and doing so requires much time and dedication. So it is with God and scripture. We can’t begin to know or understand who God is and what His plans are for each one of us if we merely spend time occasionally with Him. That’s why the importance of daily time reading, praying, and listening give us hope, peace, healing, and a greater purpose beyond what our culture may try dictating to us!

Last week I wrote about the ability to make a list of every person we had harmed and a willingness to make amends or in other words, apologize to them for your wrongdoings. This week we focus on Step 9 which states: “We made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others”. With our list in hand, some more hard work begins. Along with our “list”, we have another tool to help us when making amends, it’s the gift of grace which comes from God. Grace is a gift, it cannot be bought. It’s freely given by God to you and me. When we offer (give) our amends and expect nothing back, that’s a gift from us to those whom we have hurt.

Making amends can be done in person or in the form of a letter if a relationship is too toxic yet to be face-to-face. In the case of a loved one or friend being deceased, there’s the empty chair method which is sitting across from an empty chair and imagining the person is facing you. Though it may seem awkward or weird to actually talk out loud to someone who is actually not present, there’s power in the process, because when we speak out loud, those things that satan tries to hold over us, has no power because God hears and forgives as we go through the amends process. 

A face-to-face apology simply means taking the time needed to tell the other person you’re sorry for anytime or anything you know hurt them and the relationship.

By writing a letter, you can take time to make simple statements that describe how you’re aware you hurt someone.

When I was ready for Step 9 I actually employed all three approaches when making my amends. Both my parents are deceased, therefore, I used the empty chair method. I have one relationship that is not healthy to this day, so I used a block of time to privately confess to God my own wrongdoings as well as forgive him. I chose to write letters to our children as I knew they both process information best in privacy; I also wrote to my oldest brother with whom I had a troublesome relationship that spanned many years. I was able to talk face-to-face with my second brother and the results were wonderful. No matter the approach taken, we offer our amends without expecting anything in return. Specifically, we don’t want to hear cliche responses like “Oh, you weren’t that bad” or “What you said to me really didn’t hurt me”. 

What we often find in Celebrate Recovery is that most of us weren’t taught how to develop open and honest communication in our relationships. Thus, we often make excuses for someone’s behavior even at the cost of our own feelings. And again, as I stated above with hearing cliche responses, they are defense mechanisms used when a person may be uncomfortable. It’s because “they” may not know how to react or respond due to their own ways of dealing with tough stuff.

This is why I love Celebrate Recovery. It has helped me develop my own “voice” in ways that are real, open, and laced with grace. For many things I may have let slide over the years, I’ve learned I can say “no” or “please don’t say or do that” and not feel guilty about how the other person feels. For instance, for whatever reason, I do not like the nickname Suzy-Q. You can call me Sue, Susie, or Suz but I detest Suzy-Q. For a long time if someone called me that, I’d merely ignore it and continue the conversation or change the subject. Now when it happens, I graciously say “please don’t call me that, it’s a nickname I have never enjoyed”. No one has ever misunderstood or questioned my request.

Going back to how our amends can either be acknowledged or ignored, one of my greatest gifts from making amends came from my oldest brother whom I had written to as part of my inventory. He never mentioned my letter when we chatted on the phone or saw each other at family parties. Several years ago he became very ill and in the course of three months a rare form of brain cancer took his life. I cherish the afternoon I spent alone with him in his room where he was under care. He couldn’t carry on much conversation as he was heavily medicated for pain. But, there was a moment where Dave reached his hand out to mine, held tightly and whispered “I love you”. At that moment, I knew that we were “good”. God’s grace had been poured out into the room making reconciliation complete.

In the Book of Matthew we read from chapter 5 verses 23-24 these words: “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.”. As always, when we see the word “therefore”, it’s beneficial to read the verses that come before the content. In prior verses, Matthew has recorded what Jesus had to say about dealing with anger in relationships. The entire chapter is worth reading and I encourage you to do so!

Finally, an ongoing benefit of making amends for our past wrongdoings, lays a new foundation moving forward in all of our relationships. The ability to quickly apologize and say I’m sorry in the moment, far outweighs ignoring our actions and believing to let them go unattended. Again–and I cannot stress or encourage this trait too much–the ability to be open and honest in our relationships is SO healthy for all concerned regardless if it’s our spouse, children, family members, employers or co-workers, even complete strangers!

Once you have completed Step 9 you will experience a new freedom and a new happiness. You will comprehend the word serenity and know peace!

LOVE INCLUDES SAYING YOU’RE SORRY

Good or bad, I’m a product of the 70’s…actually graduating from high school in 1971. One of “our” iconic movies was “Love Story” starring Ryan O’Neal and Ali McGraw.

A catchphrase made popular from this romantic love story is “love means never having to say sorry”. In its context, movie goers embraced this scripted line, and now some 50 plus years later, those familiar with the film can quote this infamous line without a second thought. As touching as these words are, do they contain truth when it comes to a healthy relationship? In a world within cleverly written movie scripts, perhaps so. In the confines of creating and building healthy relationships between people, no.

Step 8 in the recovery process tells us: “We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.” And, the scripture verse that accompanies this step–often referred to as the “golden rule” comes from Luke 6:30: “Do to others as you would have them do to you”.

Saying “I’m sorry” did not come easy for me from childhood up until I chose to enter the recovery process through Celebrate Recovery. Though I had very loving parents, saying “I’m sorry” wasn’t something that was modeled with great intention. My mom was rather stoic–perhaps due to her German ethnicity–my dad was very easy going and didn’t look for ways to upset anyone whether they be family or friends. So, a simple act of making an apology for things other than bumping into someone in the store, turning away someone trying to purchase a ticket to a sold out performance, was foreign to me.

But, I don’t want to run ahead of Step 8. In this step the person merely makes a “list” of ALL people they know they have harmed and a willingness to apologize. For some, the column of names will be short. Others may be quite extensive. Both are done under the guidance of God’s Holy Spirit. It’s recommended that a person begin compiling their list starting with parents–after all, that’s our point of origin. Then siblings are added, friends, co-workers, employers, teachers, etc. Although this step doesn’t indicate it, in addition to writing down each person’s name and their relationship, we write in another column how we actually harmed them. 

When I was a kid we often barked at someone who had just called us an unpleasant name with “sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me”. Now that I’m an adult I have come to the reality how absolutely untrue and absurd that statement is when dealing with conflict. When I was in the 5th grade I needed to get eye glasses. Not many others in my grade wore them; I had the unfortunate privilege of being called “four eyes”. It caused embarrassment and anger then and even though years later I’ve had lasik surgery and reduced the power of my prescription for reading glasses alone, my anger from age 10 is a memory and a hurt I’ll not forget. In retaliation, I’m most certain I said my fair share of unkind things to my neighborhood friends and classmates as well. Our childhood experiences take us into adulthood where often we use the same methods of communication in family and/or work relationships. So, as we compile our list of those we have harmed, by being willing to be honest about our own behavior, we are making progress towards our next step which is learning how to properly apologize and “clear the air”, which is Step 9 and the subject of my next column.

An added bonus to this step is learning and accepting to recognize with greater awareness when you have “hurt” someone which puts a damper on your relationship with that person. By recognizing a moment of acting out in a negative character flaw, you can actually make a U-turn and change hurt feelings into reconciliation, healing, and healthier conversations.

Luke’s words that we commonly call the “golden rule” are so easy to hear but I’m willing to wager that most of us have not always put in practice what he’s admonishing us to do when we are with family, friends, co-workers, posting comments on social media, interacting with the public, etc. In his 1988 bid for the U.S. Presidency George H.W. Bush was quoted as calling for a “kinder, gentler nation”. I love that, it exemplifies how I feel and though it’s 36 years later I still remember it was he who spoke them. 

This week, June 11, at Celebrate Recovery we are hosting a BBQ for our group and anyone who’d like to check out the ministry. Our meal begins at 6 pm, followed by several short testimonies from several of our own local  leaders. We are also launching the children’s portion of Celebrate Recovery for ages kindergarten through 5th grade. Parents will remain with the adults while the children enjoy their own lesson and activities. For more information please email: celebraterecovery@fowlervilleub.org 

We meet every Tuesday, at Fowlerville United Brethren in Christ Church, 9300 W. Grand River, Fowlerville.