Tag Archives: family

LIVING ROOM SOCIAL MEDIA

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Ah, the blessings and curses that come with social media.

When Facebook surged above all other social media platforms, I joined a myriad of friends and family making use of this communication tool. I quickly connected with friends who live in different geographic locations…families spread out across Michigan and beyond to the west coast … .close friends…highschool classmates…individuals and groups that feed into my personal goals for understanding of scripture and ministry where I serve. The past years belonging to Facebook, and now Instagram along with X, have been heartwarming, intriguing, plus an occasional wringing of hands in frustration.

Reflecting on my experiences with social media, I could not help but remember Sunday afternoon visits with my grandparents. Following a delicious dinner, it never failed that I ran back and forth between the living room from playing outside, my grandpa seated among dad and his brothers, along with brothers-in-law were, discussing current events. My memories are totally foggy and I certainly don’t have recall for those conversations other than to remember they were quite lively, but never critical or mean spirited. Sources of topics were what they heard on the evening news, newspapers, radio, and magazines.

On one such visit, our family was the first to arrive on a Sunday and when we walked in the door my grandpa jumped up excitedly, waving an issue of Time magazine in my dad’s face, declaring “Jack, do you know what them Roo-sians are up to?” “Read this, Jack!” Before dad could react or respond, Gramp told dad word for word what was contained in the article.

Going back to my uncles. Within their career circle were two engineers, a car salesman, a laborer for General Motors, a self employed building contractor,  a minister and a colonel in the United States Air Force. My dad was employed in the building inspection department for the City of Saginaw in the 60s, the years of many family dinners and living room conversations. Grandpa’s working years spanned farming, logging, and in his later years, some small machine work. My Jewell “guys” certainly represented a variety of work skills which included a strong foundation of integrity. 

IF they had strong disagreements when discussing America’s woes in the 60s, it never was evident to me. What I heard and observed was a group of siblings having lively conversations. When I really leaned in to what they were talking about, I was happy to sit and listen when many “yarns” or stories from childhood dominated their lively banter,  many of which were repeated year after year and are now beloved memories from my childhood.

So, social media. As I’ve been a part of my “friendship circle” the posts have often gone from family photos or highlighted vacation moments to discussions of current matters in America. Admittedly, I have joined in all of these topics but having done so has not always been beneficial.

My observations boil down to things for me. One, there’s a lot of courage behind a keyboard evidenced by some very mean spirited posts. Secondly, I’m convinced social media is never going to serve as a beneficial or uplifting platform to discuss “hot topics”. Certainly, I enjoy reading a variety of opinions, while struggling with motives behind “jabs” or “disrespectful” words. Once again, of my own admission, I often got sucked into a “ping pong match of wits” with those who think differently than myself. Not anymore.

I made a conscious decision to keep my social media focused on family photos, special moments we’ve enjoyed as a family, connecting with family and friends, sharing encouragement from “my” source of all that is good–scripture.

My Jewell guys never solved any of America’s problems in the 60s. At most, they accomplished hearing the viewpoints of each other. No one ever left angry or “unfriended” one another. 

Yes, social media is now an outlet that illustrates our human nature ranging in behaviors from elation to anger. Missing is the ability to “hear” a tone of voice behind typed words, or the “heart” behind comments. Missing is the beauty of face-to-face conversations which allow differing angles to meet over closely held passions and stances without resulting in being cut off.

I can’t imagine any of my dad’s sibling relationships being severed due to thinking as an individual. In my grandparents’ small living room, in that small close knit circle of the Jewell men, there was love, acceptance, and always yielding to differing opinions.

I think those of us who use social media could learn a lesson or two from a circle of loving and goofy brothers. Who, when finished bantering away the afternoon, went out to the kitchen for another slab of pie or outside for a rousing game of horseshoes, brothers against brothers in fair play and healthy competition.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (Ephesians 4: 29) 

GENTLENESS OUTWEIGHS ANGER

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Last week I wrote about the necessity of having a strong foundation when building a home and paralleled that process to creating a healthy life for ourselves. As a woman who grew up with a dad who had built our family home, who knew how to properly construct a foundation, then erect walls and roof trusses, I gained proper perspective on the importance of having a blueprint, the right tools, and the knowledge how to follow every step in the building process. By not running ahead of any one of the building’s necessary processes or taking shortcuts, arriving at its final completion date is being able to say a “job well done” and “worth the blood, sweat and tears”.

As mentioned, my dad built our family home which was completed in 1954. With his skills the only work he outsourced was the electrical and plumbing as well as the fireplace in the living room. When I was old enough to understand, I remember dad telling me how the mason who came to lay the fireplace bricks had clearly enjoyed a few drinks too many….yet, with a watchful eye my dad watched to make sure the mason’s level actually read correctly and that each row was put in place with required precision. I often wonder why dad didn’t ask the contracted mason to return when he had full capacity of his mental processes; perhaps my dad’s gentle spirit and reluctance to confront uncomfortable situations prevailed over what others may see as pure logic to resolve a tense situation.

In the 70’s my folks purchased land in the Rose City area and built a small cabin. This structure had a crawl space and when the local building inspector came to observe dad’s progress, he instructed that a rat wall had to be part of the crawl space walls. I’ll never forget my dad’s laughter every time he repeated details about the inspector’s visit. Dad knew the Uniform Building Codes inside and out. He used them every day in his career and even taught them at college level to architects and builders. He knew that his small rural cabin didn’t need a rat wall because rats are typically a city problem, not one in small communities. But, rather than argue, he complied with the request as deep down he knew it didn’t affect the final outcome of our cabin’s foundation and ultimate completion.

In the 80’s our family home needed to be reroofed. By that time my brothers and husband were able to help dad. Although dad was in his 60s, he amazed us with an agility to go up and down a ladder to supervise and lay down new shingles. A couple of family friends came to help; they had years of experience with all tools, but also had the same accumulation when it came to enjoying a cold beer. During one of the work days, on a particularly hot afternoon working on the roof, one of the fellas was showing obvious signs of having over indulged to quench his thirst. Shingles need to line up correctly in order for the entire project to be perfect. Dad observed a slight decline taking place with a row of shingles. In order to save the project, but not use a direct approach, he chose to “shut down the day’s work due to the sun’s heat”. Once again, his gentle nature took precedence rather than confronting our friends “one too many beers”.

One might ask, why didn’t your dad just go ahead and be bold to correct a mason, an inspector, and a family friend in the errors of their ways? My answer is gentleness. I think my dad showed me that sometimes much is accomplished when gentleness is given rather than a harsh response. In fact, in Romans 15:1 it says “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger”.  O, how many arguments or tense situations could be avoided if this admonishment was actually put in place in our conversations and actions with family and friends!

My challenge to myself and you is to consider using the gift of gentleness to diffuse an uncomfortable situation or request a change in behavior from a loved one. That we can remember a soft approach and words of kindness laced with encouragement go a long way to creating healthy relationships. We can endeavor to achieve what is written in 1 Thessalonians 5: 11 “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing”. 

One last favorite memory of my dad’s gentle spirit. While serving in the U.S. Navy, whenever his ship was in port with short leave granted, dad told me each sailor sometimes received two cans of beer and a pack of cigarettes. Dad always gave one beer away as well as the cigarettes. On one occasion, a fellow shipmate asked “Jewell, how come you don’t smoke?”

“Because my mother asked me not to….” I can hear Grandma Jewell’s sweet voice making this simple request to her son as he became a young man and went off to serve in World War II, leaving behind farm life and facing many different new challenges. I like to believe that her steadfastness to remain kind, gentle, always parenting with huge doses of love and hugs, made my dad into the man he became so that in turn I could learn those same traits.

GOOD & PERFECT GIFTS

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Here we are in mid November, actually closing in with December’s arrival in a matter of days following our national holiday Thanksgiving. Holidays can trigger all kinds of emotions, not all of them warm and fuzzy. Some of us grew up in families that looked forward to being together around a festive table laden with delicious food, bantering conversations…all the things that create fond memories. Sadly, some of us grew up in homes that were full of dysfunction, brokenness, arguing…angry families unwilling to reconcile relationships. If you fall into one of those two categories, I am happy for your good memories. If the latter describes your childhood, I am truly sorry. The good news is this–merely because your childhood home was one of bad memories doesn’t mean you need to continue on that path.

My Grandpa Jewell was an angry man for the first 55 years of his life. While I can understand some of his reasons for his anger, it’s also an example of not allowing circumstances to be made into an “excuse” and setting a course for all of life ahead. Though the details are blurry for me,  I was told that when he and grandma married, returned from their honeymoon, their meager belongings were packed, placed on the porch of the Jewell family home that he expected to inherit, accompanied by the declaration that “the farm is being given to your sister Clara and her husband”. In the time it took to even breathe during that conversation, their entire future looked bleak. Can I blame my grandfather for becoming angry and embittered? 

Grandpa’s resentments, anger, and bitterness were woven into over 30 years of moving from several places in Michigan, farming, working for others and even trying his hand at owning a small business which failed miserably. In those 30 years 11 children came along. Older ones married. The boys enlisted in armed forces which took several off to war battles around the world. In the meantime grandma was steadfast in her faith, persevering in prayer for provision and salvation for her husband. 

God always provided somehow. What He did for her He will do for you and me, too. There always seemed to be “just enough” food and salvation came to grandpa when he was 55 years old.

Thanksgiving is the first opportunity in the holiday season where generosity becomes front and center in peoples’ minds. We begin to look for ways we can help someone less fortunate enjoy all that Thanksgiving and Christmas entail. In today’s current economy, sadly there are many families in need. We don’t need to look very far to find who we can help. Families and individuals are in our neighborhood, workplace, church, on your kids’ sports teams, their classrooms…all which we call community.

I’m thankful we have organizations in our community that help families. I’m grateful for the generosity I see in my own church family as we come alongside families struggling to make ends meet. These loving actions remind me of those times my parents willingly helped deliver Thanksgiving meals to families in the neighborhood that surrounded our church in Downtown Saginaw. I also recall an older memory, being told that a neighbor told my grandpa about free food he could get that was provided by the federal government. His stubborn pride kept him from going to the location that housed the goods and when he DID bring canned foods home,  he insisted they be kept in the pantry for awhile, as though opening the “first” one meant he had “lost” his will to be the main provider for hungry bellies.

As I said, I don’t know where Thanksgiving this year finds you. If you are well provided for with no worries, give thanks to the One Who has been generous towards you. If you are struggling and God sends someone asking if you need help, lay down fear or pride, and accept the generosity of others.

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” (James 1:17)

Yes, God is the provider of ALL. He makes generosity possible through organizations, churches, individuals, food pantries … .may your Thanksgiving Day be one of bounty, fond memories, and opportunities to mend any brokenness in relationships.