Tag Archives: memories

TRAIN, TEACH, ENCOURAGE

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“Train up a child in the way he should go (teaching him to seek God’s wisdom and will for his abilities and talents), Even when he is old he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22: 6)

This verse has often been used as encouragement within the walls of our churches to our parents struggling with prodigal children. The encourager’s intentions are not wrong, however, a deeper understanding what’s being said is as parents, when we get to know our children, how they’re wired, gifted, their talents, we can better direct them towards activities and proper academics to hone in on their particular “bent”–how they learn, what excites them and what brings utter lack of enthusiasm. 

Often, I draw on my father’s family for numerous life experiences that are the backdrop for examples or topics for my weekly writing. This week is no different. As I look back on each of my uncles and aunts lives, including my dad’s, I can truly note where their childhood experiences and talents took them in life.

My Aunt Joy was the second oldest. As she grew old enough to help grandma, quite often she helped care for the younger ones. Helping in the kitchen and chores with grandma were normal. It’s no wonder that as added income for her own family, she cared for several elderly women who actually lived with Joy in their large home. This was a “side gig” she did even after Uncle Ed had passed away. Joy was loving, compassionate, kind, and very patient dealing with aging minds and weary bodies.

Lyle was 17, working in one of the farm fields, when a small plane flew overhead. This disruption in his duties distracted him long enough to pause, looking up as he shielded his eyes to watch this “marvelous machine” pass over the family farm. “One day I’m going to fly, too”, he said. And fly he did. Lyle served in the Air Force as a pilot, retiring as a Colonel. 

Grandpa had a pile of what we’d call common “junk” nowadays. Worn out wood, metal scraps, odd and ends from farm materials, and discarded wheels in a variety of sizes were piled next to the barn. If the boys wanted a sled, well they made one. In summer months they longed for a wagon, so one of them figured out how to fashion one from the pile. Nothing went to waste in the depression years. Access to materials–old or fairly new–was the drafting table for all kinds of things to enhance childhood years. I don’t know the quality of the things the boys made but I do know that all of them had a love and great ability to build anything from a wagon, pair of snow skis, to furniture and homes.

My four aunts inherited grandma’s sewing abilities. Lots of clothing, and later on, numerous quilts were constructed by careful hands and an eye for design. Reading was a favorite pastime as there was no TV or radio in the home. My Aunt Esther was the only girl to graduate college and taught elementary age children until retiring. She had a passion to learn which overlapped with a deep desire to teach.

So, with the start of another school year, it’s my hope that our young parents–our guardians, our grandparents, will embrace how God has created our “littles” as unique individuals. Not every child will excel on an athletic field. Reading may be boring to some while others will tuck themselves into a corner to bury their nose in a books pages. Drawing and creating works of art from raw materials will soothe and fill the child whose creative mind is chomping to test and explore the beauty of color. Create a stack of small musical instruments and watch who will wander over and pick one up to test what kind of sound it makes. 

 The worst thing I think we as parents can do is forcing our child to do and be what goes against their natural inclinations. A great book I read years ago is “Eight Great Smarts: Develop & Nurture Your Child’s Intelligences” (available on Amazon) Each chapter is a short read and helps identify each way a child has been created to learn. And, each chapter will give you guidance on how to develop the hidden stuff in your child!

My Aunt Esther, the avid reader of the girls, preferred books over household chores. Pulling her away from a book to help in the kitchen was a disruption to where exciting novels and non-fiction materials could take her young mind. She was also bold and not afraid to climb trees. She even climbed a water tower in one of the small towns the family lived in for a stretch of time. She had a keen ability to memorize children’s storybooks and often acted them out with silly props for her young students. Her favorites were any of the Dr. Suess storybooks. 

It’s a new school year, from kindergarten to college courses and even trade schools or military enlistments! No matter the age, no matter the path of education, let’s all work together to train, guide and encourage our children along their unique avenues of learning. And let us not forget our wonderful teachers, these men and women who are challenged with 20 plus kids every day, who learn differently. Some will be daydreamers. Others will stay on task. Some will be anxious to get outside to run, jump, play, and climb. There will be those who are content to sit on the sidelines and merely watch, while contemplating what’s next in their day. All of their differences combined which cause minds and bodies to be going in numerous directions are not bad, merely different. Different is not bad. May we embrace “different” and properly fuel busy little people and our young adults, too.

Blessings on a new school year! I’m thankful for teachers who encouraged me to read, helped me get through math that made no sense…brought out my love for vocal music…honed my skills that lead to a passion for writing…my dad who drove me to the library week after week for a new stack of books. Now, I still have stacks of books in different rooms of our home, waiting to be picked up to be devoured, filling my mind with new information! Guess I better buckle down and join all the students who have returned to classrooms!

LIVING ROOM SOCIAL MEDIA

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Ah, the blessings and curses that come with social media.

When Facebook surged above all other social media platforms, I joined a myriad of friends and family making use of this communication tool. I quickly connected with friends who live in different geographic locations…families spread out across Michigan and beyond to the west coast … .close friends…highschool classmates…individuals and groups that feed into my personal goals for understanding of scripture and ministry where I serve. The past years belonging to Facebook, and now Instagram along with X, have been heartwarming, intriguing, plus an occasional wringing of hands in frustration.

Reflecting on my experiences with social media, I could not help but remember Sunday afternoon visits with my grandparents. Following a delicious dinner, it never failed that I ran back and forth between the living room from playing outside, my grandpa seated among dad and his brothers, along with brothers-in-law were, discussing current events. My memories are totally foggy and I certainly don’t have recall for those conversations other than to remember they were quite lively, but never critical or mean spirited. Sources of topics were what they heard on the evening news, newspapers, radio, and magazines.

On one such visit, our family was the first to arrive on a Sunday and when we walked in the door my grandpa jumped up excitedly, waving an issue of Time magazine in my dad’s face, declaring “Jack, do you know what them Roo-sians are up to?” “Read this, Jack!” Before dad could react or respond, Gramp told dad word for word what was contained in the article.

Going back to my uncles. Within their career circle were two engineers, a car salesman, a laborer for General Motors, a self employed building contractor,  a minister and a colonel in the United States Air Force. My dad was employed in the building inspection department for the City of Saginaw in the 60s, the years of many family dinners and living room conversations. Grandpa’s working years spanned farming, logging, and in his later years, some small machine work. My Jewell “guys” certainly represented a variety of work skills which included a strong foundation of integrity. 

IF they had strong disagreements when discussing America’s woes in the 60s, it never was evident to me. What I heard and observed was a group of siblings having lively conversations. When I really leaned in to what they were talking about, I was happy to sit and listen when many “yarns” or stories from childhood dominated their lively banter,  many of which were repeated year after year and are now beloved memories from my childhood.

So, social media. As I’ve been a part of my “friendship circle” the posts have often gone from family photos or highlighted vacation moments to discussions of current matters in America. Admittedly, I have joined in all of these topics but having done so has not always been beneficial.

My observations boil down to things for me. One, there’s a lot of courage behind a keyboard evidenced by some very mean spirited posts. Secondly, I’m convinced social media is never going to serve as a beneficial or uplifting platform to discuss “hot topics”. Certainly, I enjoy reading a variety of opinions, while struggling with motives behind “jabs” or “disrespectful” words. Once again, of my own admission, I often got sucked into a “ping pong match of wits” with those who think differently than myself. Not anymore.

I made a conscious decision to keep my social media focused on family photos, special moments we’ve enjoyed as a family, connecting with family and friends, sharing encouragement from “my” source of all that is good–scripture.

My Jewell guys never solved any of America’s problems in the 60s. At most, they accomplished hearing the viewpoints of each other. No one ever left angry or “unfriended” one another. 

Yes, social media is now an outlet that illustrates our human nature ranging in behaviors from elation to anger. Missing is the ability to “hear” a tone of voice behind typed words, or the “heart” behind comments. Missing is the beauty of face-to-face conversations which allow differing angles to meet over closely held passions and stances without resulting in being cut off.

I can’t imagine any of my dad’s sibling relationships being severed due to thinking as an individual. In my grandparents’ small living room, in that small close knit circle of the Jewell men, there was love, acceptance, and always yielding to differing opinions.

I think those of us who use social media could learn a lesson or two from a circle of loving and goofy brothers. Who, when finished bantering away the afternoon, went out to the kitchen for another slab of pie or outside for a rousing game of horseshoes, brothers against brothers in fair play and healthy competition.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (Ephesians 4: 29) 

GENTLENESS OUTWEIGHS ANGER

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Last week I wrote about the necessity of having a strong foundation when building a home and paralleled that process to creating a healthy life for ourselves. As a woman who grew up with a dad who had built our family home, who knew how to properly construct a foundation, then erect walls and roof trusses, I gained proper perspective on the importance of having a blueprint, the right tools, and the knowledge how to follow every step in the building process. By not running ahead of any one of the building’s necessary processes or taking shortcuts, arriving at its final completion date is being able to say a “job well done” and “worth the blood, sweat and tears”.

As mentioned, my dad built our family home which was completed in 1954. With his skills the only work he outsourced was the electrical and plumbing as well as the fireplace in the living room. When I was old enough to understand, I remember dad telling me how the mason who came to lay the fireplace bricks had clearly enjoyed a few drinks too many….yet, with a watchful eye my dad watched to make sure the mason’s level actually read correctly and that each row was put in place with required precision. I often wonder why dad didn’t ask the contracted mason to return when he had full capacity of his mental processes; perhaps my dad’s gentle spirit and reluctance to confront uncomfortable situations prevailed over what others may see as pure logic to resolve a tense situation.

In the 70’s my folks purchased land in the Rose City area and built a small cabin. This structure had a crawl space and when the local building inspector came to observe dad’s progress, he instructed that a rat wall had to be part of the crawl space walls. I’ll never forget my dad’s laughter every time he repeated details about the inspector’s visit. Dad knew the Uniform Building Codes inside and out. He used them every day in his career and even taught them at college level to architects and builders. He knew that his small rural cabin didn’t need a rat wall because rats are typically a city problem, not one in small communities. But, rather than argue, he complied with the request as deep down he knew it didn’t affect the final outcome of our cabin’s foundation and ultimate completion.

In the 80’s our family home needed to be reroofed. By that time my brothers and husband were able to help dad. Although dad was in his 60s, he amazed us with an agility to go up and down a ladder to supervise and lay down new shingles. A couple of family friends came to help; they had years of experience with all tools, but also had the same accumulation when it came to enjoying a cold beer. During one of the work days, on a particularly hot afternoon working on the roof, one of the fellas was showing obvious signs of having over indulged to quench his thirst. Shingles need to line up correctly in order for the entire project to be perfect. Dad observed a slight decline taking place with a row of shingles. In order to save the project, but not use a direct approach, he chose to “shut down the day’s work due to the sun’s heat”. Once again, his gentle nature took precedence rather than confronting our friends “one too many beers”.

One might ask, why didn’t your dad just go ahead and be bold to correct a mason, an inspector, and a family friend in the errors of their ways? My answer is gentleness. I think my dad showed me that sometimes much is accomplished when gentleness is given rather than a harsh response. In fact, in Romans 15:1 it says “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger”.  O, how many arguments or tense situations could be avoided if this admonishment was actually put in place in our conversations and actions with family and friends!

My challenge to myself and you is to consider using the gift of gentleness to diffuse an uncomfortable situation or request a change in behavior from a loved one. That we can remember a soft approach and words of kindness laced with encouragement go a long way to creating healthy relationships. We can endeavor to achieve what is written in 1 Thessalonians 5: 11 “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing”. 

One last favorite memory of my dad’s gentle spirit. While serving in the U.S. Navy, whenever his ship was in port with short leave granted, dad told me each sailor sometimes received two cans of beer and a pack of cigarettes. Dad always gave one beer away as well as the cigarettes. On one occasion, a fellow shipmate asked “Jewell, how come you don’t smoke?”

“Because my mother asked me not to….” I can hear Grandma Jewell’s sweet voice making this simple request to her son as he became a young man and went off to serve in World War II, leaving behind farm life and facing many different new challenges. I like to believe that her steadfastness to remain kind, gentle, always parenting with huge doses of love and hugs, made my dad into the man he became so that in turn I could learn those same traits.