In the midst of recent publicity regarding Bruce Jenner declaring  he is really a woman, I have some thoughts regarding the topic. I’ve been mulling over and over in my mind what I’d say to those who have decided  Mr. Jenner is the epitome of ‘courage’ and ‘bravery’ for what he claims is finally being able to confront what he’s believed for a very long time, that he’s a woman trapped inside a man’s body. In addition, I’ve also given thought to what I might say if I had an audience with Jenner.

Because Facebook is my go-to social media site, that is the platform that has shown me various opinions that are pro and con towards Jenner. Showing up in my news feed are photos of what many of you in my circle of friends consider to be ‘courage’ or ‘bravery’ in light of his declaration of gender identification. Some of those I’ve witnessed include but are not limited to:

• a photo of two soldiers on the battleground
• firefighters rescuing a small child from a burning building
• amputees competing in a marathon

Do I think the three that I’ve listed above exhibit courage and bravery? Absolutely. Comparing Jenner’s announcement that he believes his gender identification is that of a female, do I also believe that’s a definition of courage and bravery? Yes, I do. Having said that, however, does not dismiss my misgivings about how much publicity is being given to Jenner merely because he is a celebrity. If he were a member of a small community, going to work everyday, enjoying his family and social connections would his announcement be given the same attention? I don’t believe it would. Unless an incident is captured on film or in print, it runs the risk of being unnoticed or unrecorded.

I acknowledge Jenner’s willingness to put himself in front of the public cameras once again, only this time for a very controversial and deeply personal topic.  I would like his defenders to deeply consider that indeed, just as courage and bravery come in the form of those who go to war, fight fires, run races missing a leg or an arm, there are many individuals who have chosen to overcome tremendous obstacles in their own lives and have not gained any amount of public attention outside of family and friends. Consider:

• a young man recently diagnosed with cancer. He’s going through chemo treatment, fighting for his life
• the young woman who has lived for years in marriage, only to be betrayed and is now a single parent
• a young family whose child died unexpectedly, having shown no signs of illness
• the many men and women in our nation who are unemployed, struggling every day to pay bills and feed families or themselves
• the loss of an infant, only weeks old following a healthy delivery
• On a global scale, the innocents who are being killed every day by extremist militants

From my own family experiences, I share about these times when courage needed to replace fear:

• Learning about my dad being called to serve in the Korean Conflict, leaving my mother home with my two older brothers. She didn’t even know how to drive at that point in their marriage.
• Hearing my mother utter the word ‘cancer’ during an unsuspecting Sunday afternoon telephone conversation and later caring for her in the last 3 days of her life
• Holding vigil by my mother-in-law’s hospital bed as she succumbed to the effects of emphysema
• Putting my oldest child on a plane to go serve on the mission field in a country torn by poverty, not once but three times
• Watch and care for a father ravaged by the effects of Alzheimer’s disease

Both lists have the potential to be  exhaustive examples of emotional and physical pain. My attempt at describing what brings me to tears may not do justice to those in my circle of influence who are suffering in one way or another, so by no means am I diminishing what anyone else is enduring right now in the face of great adversity.

So, if I had a conversation with Jenner, I would have to tell him that although I am unable to comprehend his personal struggle and while I may not agree with the amount of publicity and controversy surrounding his desired transformation, at the end of the day I would choose he be treated with compassion rather than hero status. I would remind him that his decisions leave many in his family angry, confused, and sharing a public limelight they didn’t ask for by merely carrying his name. I would remind him that no degree of manipulation to his physical body changes the fact that he was born a male. No matter how much he thinks about being a woman, he will never know that distinction. His body can plant a seed of life, but he cannot bring one forth. He can offer hugs and kisses to a newborn, but he cannot give life sustaining nourishment offered by the delicacy of mother’s milk. To claim he is a woman is a certain untruth. He can only masquerade as one. Therein lies the heartache I feel for Jenner. Those who defend Jenner say that he should ‘no longer have to live a lie’. With all due respect, I have to disagree. Jenner’s physical parts define him as male. His mind can take him to all his imaginary experiences living as a woman, but that’s as far he will go–the boundaries of dreams that cannot become a reality. Even if he achieves alterations to his body giving him breasts, takes medications to prohibit the growth of hair in unwanted places, applies makeup to enhance his  eyes and lips, he is still trapped in a posture of ‘living a lie’.

Allow me to go on record stating that I do not dislike Jenner based on his announcement that he wants to be a woman. He’s made his decision and his followers are fueling his temporary popularity. The words ‘courageous’ and ‘brave’ have been assigned to him during this time, but soon they will fade along with the disappearance of his name and face from magazine covers. What remains will be the possibility of continued inner turmoil as he tries to redefine a body that can only be masked and perhaps a society that will take a long, hard look at the choices of words used to describe someone’s life decisions. In our different lives we are all courageous. We are all brave.