Last week I wrote about the necessity of having a strong foundation when building a home and paralleled that process to creating a healthy life for ourselves. As a woman who grew up with a dad who had built our family home, who knew how to properly construct a foundation, then erect walls and roof trusses, I gained proper perspective on the importance of having a blueprint, the right tools, and the knowledge how to follow every step in the building process. By not running ahead of any one of the building’s necessary processes or taking shortcuts, arriving at its final completion date is being able to say a “job well done” and “worth the blood, sweat and tears”.
As mentioned, my dad built our family home which was completed in 1954. With his skills the only work he outsourced was the electrical and plumbing as well as the fireplace in the living room. When I was old enough to understand, I remember dad telling me how the mason who came to lay the fireplace bricks had clearly enjoyed a few drinks too many….yet, with a watchful eye my dad watched to make sure the mason’s level actually read correctly and that each row was put in place with required precision. I often wonder why dad didn’t ask the contracted mason to return when he had full capacity of his mental processes; perhaps my dad’s gentle spirit and reluctance to confront uncomfortable situations prevailed over what others may see as pure logic to resolve a tense situation.
In the 70’s my folks purchased land in the Rose City area and built a small cabin. This structure had a crawl space and when the local building inspector came to observe dad’s progress, he instructed that a rat wall had to be part of the crawl space walls. I’ll never forget my dad’s laughter every time he repeated details about the inspector’s visit. Dad knew the Uniform Building Codes inside and out. He used them every day in his career and even taught them at college level to architects and builders. He knew that his small rural cabin didn’t need a rat wall because rats are typically a city problem, not one in small communities. But, rather than argue, he complied with the request as deep down he knew it didn’t affect the final outcome of our cabin’s foundation and ultimate completion.
In the 80’s our family home needed to be reroofed. By that time my brothers and husband were able to help dad. Although dad was in his 60s, he amazed us with an agility to go up and down a ladder to supervise and lay down new shingles. A couple of family friends came to help; they had years of experience with all tools, but also had the same accumulation when it came to enjoying a cold beer. During one of the work days, on a particularly hot afternoon working on the roof, one of the fellas was showing obvious signs of having over indulged to quench his thirst. Shingles need to line up correctly in order for the entire project to be perfect. Dad observed a slight decline taking place with a row of shingles. In order to save the project, but not use a direct approach, he chose to “shut down the day’s work due to the sun’s heat”. Once again, his gentle nature took precedence rather than confronting our friends “one too many beers”.
One might ask, why didn’t your dad just go ahead and be bold to correct a mason, an inspector, and a family friend in the errors of their ways? My answer is gentleness. I think my dad showed me that sometimes much is accomplished when gentleness is given rather than a harsh response. In fact, in Romans 15:1 it says “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger”. O, how many arguments or tense situations could be avoided if this admonishment was actually put in place in our conversations and actions with family and friends!
My challenge to myself and you is to consider using the gift of gentleness to diffuse an uncomfortable situation or request a change in behavior from a loved one. That we can remember a soft approach and words of kindness laced with encouragement go a long way to creating healthy relationships. We can endeavor to achieve what is written in 1 Thessalonians 5: 11 “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing”.
One last favorite memory of my dad’s gentle spirit. While serving in the U.S. Navy, whenever his ship was in port with short leave granted, dad told me each sailor sometimes received two cans of beer and a pack of cigarettes. Dad always gave one beer away as well as the cigarettes. On one occasion, a fellow shipmate asked “Jewell, how come you don’t smoke?”
“Because my mother asked me not to….” I can hear Grandma Jewell’s sweet voice making this simple request to her son as he became a young man and went off to serve in World War II, leaving behind farm life and facing many different new challenges. I like to believe that her steadfastness to remain kind, gentle, always parenting with huge doses of love and hugs, made my dad into the man he became so that in turn I could learn those same traits.
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