“I learned I didn’t need to see or hear everything that happened.”

This simple quote was my grandma’s answer when my two aunts, Esther and Helen as adult women, asked the secret to her mothering skills, raising 11 children that spanned many years. As in any large family, that many children under one small roof was undoubtedly chaotic and challenging. Grandma didn’t have books on parenting like we do now, but she had the best book of all, her Bible. She had endless patience, arms always willing to hug, a twinkle in her eyes to speak a loving encouraging word. If I were challenged to describe her using only two words I would say “unconditional love”.

The challenges of raising children have not changed since my grandma’s years in that role, whether we are parenting one child or numerous ones. Now, though, we DO have parenting books and in my own frustrations years ago, I did read several, carefully choosing those written by Christian authors because I wanted deeper insight to scripture that would point me to being a good mother who could meet the needs of my children so they’d become awesome adults and be successful in their own futures.

Two of the best books I chose to read were “How to Make Your Children Mind Without Losing Yours” by Kevin Leaman. Using a lot of humor and true examples, Kevin’s approach is generally described as “reality discipline”. Simply put, offer genuine consequences to unwanted behavior, a penalty you’re sincere to carry through. One of the cutest examples he gave was from that of a mom whose children often chose to argue while she was on the phone. This was back when rotary and desk phones were the current technology. Calmly, she told her friend “excuse me, I’ll be right back” and set the receiver down. She scooped up her two small children and escorted them to the back patio, instructed them to remain outside until they could stop arguing. She slid the patio door shut and latched it, returned to the phone and resumed her conversation. After a very short while she heard a gentle tapping on the window. Her children had found a scrap of paper and crayon lying about and wrote “we’re sorry”. Opening the door, she asked “are you ready to come in and behave properly?” 

No one got hurt. Two small children learned very quickly that loud fights and being rude meant they’d be removed from the surroundings. 

The second book I read is “8 Great Smarts” by Kathy Koch. This short read is fascinating as Koch dedicates one chapter to each learning style, the unique ways God creates us as individuals, honing in on how we learn based on our distinct styles. I learned the characteristics displayed in our “logical” minded son…now years later seeing which of our four grandchildren are “body smart” or “creative”. By gleaning from her research, I’ve come to a better understanding of the scripture from Proverbs 22: 6 “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is older he will not depart from it”.  This verse is often used in sermons to assure parents that IF they take their kids to church and teach them about God they will never leave the Christian faith. While that may be true, another meaning behind these words is an instruction to parents to discover how their children are “wired”….Athletic? Musical? Creative? Curious?….and fuel those attributes. 

Today, as I sat in my living room reading scripture, journaling, windows open to allow cool air in, sounds of little kids next door playing outside, laughing, made me smile. We live near homes that have families of many ages. We’ve watched a few of the kids grow up and enter high school. When the boys next door play basketball on their driveway, we can only hear the sounds of the ball on the pavement or bouncing off the rim; the trees between our two properties block the view of their hoop.

We like to hear the kids outside. We “like” to hear and see them enjoying fresh air, moving their bodies on bikes or playing childhood games in the yard. In contrast, when I drive by community parks with playground equipment, I’m saddened they are often empty. No legs hanging upside down on monkey bars or bottoms gliding down slides. Swings that hang idle. On some occasions, when we took our grandkids to the park, it was not uncommon for me to notice that while the kids played, mom or dad sat at a nearby table scrolling their phone, thus not being fully engaged with their child’s play.

My grandma chose a need not to be aware of every mischievous scuffle her boys or girls may have gotten into, but I know she loved bountiful joy received from watching them learn to read, help with chores in the field or inside, helping with the younger ones underfoot so she could prepare meals or do laundry. She also trained them up in God’s word, loved her children unconditionally, and prayed fervently for their salvation. Of those 11, I will honestly say that I’m not positive that one of my uncles chose to place faith in Christ. He received the same teachings as the other 10, yet formed an anger against God that when I think about it now, causes me grief. Thankfully, his eternal resting place is not mine to determine. His final moments are between him and God.

There are a lot of good books on store shelves to help us in the journey of parenting. However, if you were to ask me for my humble opinion I’d suggest a few things. Get a Bible. Then read it, not once, but daily.  Take your children to church, faithfully, not only when it’s convenient. Get them involved in ministry programs and activities that point them to Jesus. Surround yourself with like minded people who share your values and will become role models for your children. Turn off the TV, get off your phones and computers. Get outside and make some noise!