In the midst of recent publicity regarding Bruce Jenner declaring  he is really a woman, I have some thoughts regarding the topic. I’ve been mulling over and over in my mind what I’d say to those who have decided  Mr. Jenner is the epitome of ‘courage’ and ‘bravery’ for what he claims is finally being able to confront what he’s believed for a very long time, that he’s a woman trapped inside a man’s body. In addition, I’ve also given thought to what I might say if I had an audience with Jenner.

Because Facebook is my go-to social media site, that is the platform that has shown me various opinions that are pro and con towards Jenner. Showing up in my news feed are photos of what many of you in my circle of friends consider to be ‘courage’ or ‘bravery’ in light of his declaration of gender identification. Some of those I’ve witnessed include but are not limited to:

• a photo of two soldiers on the battleground
• firefighters rescuing a small child from a burning building
• amputees competing in a marathon

Do I think the three that I’ve listed above exhibit courage and bravery? Absolutely. Comparing Jenner’s announcement that he believes his gender identification is that of a female, do I also believe that’s a definition of courage and bravery? Yes, I do. Having said that, however, does not dismiss my misgivings about how much publicity is being given to Jenner merely because he is a celebrity. If he were a member of a small community, going to work everyday, enjoying his family and social connections would his announcement be given the same attention? I don’t believe it would. Unless an incident is captured on film or in print, it runs the risk of being unnoticed or unrecorded.

I acknowledge Jenner’s willingness to put himself in front of the public cameras once again, only this time for a very controversial and deeply personal topic.  I would like his defenders to deeply consider that indeed, just as courage and bravery come in the form of those who go to war, fight fires, run races missing a leg or an arm, there are many individuals who have chosen to overcome tremendous obstacles in their own lives and have not gained any amount of public attention outside of family and friends. Consider:

• a young man recently diagnosed with cancer. He’s going through chemo treatment, fighting for his life
• the young woman who has lived for years in marriage, only to be betrayed and is now a single parent
• a young family whose child died unexpectedly, having shown no signs of illness
• the many men and women in our nation who are unemployed, struggling every day to pay bills and feed families or themselves
• the loss of an infant, only weeks old following a healthy delivery
• On a global scale, the innocents who are being killed every day by extremist militants

From my own family experiences, I share about these times when courage needed to replace fear:

• Learning about my dad being called to serve in the Korean Conflict, leaving my mother home with my two older brothers. She didn’t even know how to drive at that point in their marriage.
• Hearing my mother utter the word ‘cancer’ during an unsuspecting Sunday afternoon telephone conversation and later caring for her in the last 3 days of her life
• Holding vigil by my mother-in-law’s hospital bed as she succumbed to the effects of emphysema
• Putting my oldest child on a plane to go serve on the mission field in a country torn by poverty, not once but three times
• Watch and care for a father ravaged by the effects of Alzheimer’s disease

Both lists have the potential to be  exhaustive examples of emotional and physical pain. My attempt at describing what brings me to tears may not do justice to those in my circle of influence who are suffering in one way or another, so by no means am I diminishing what anyone else is enduring right now in the face of great adversity.

So, if I had a conversation with Jenner, I would have to tell him that although I am unable to comprehend his personal struggle and while I may not agree with the amount of publicity and controversy surrounding his desired transformation, at the end of the day I would choose he be treated with compassion rather than hero status. I would remind him that his decisions leave many in his family angry, confused, and sharing a public limelight they didn’t ask for by merely carrying his name. I would remind him that no degree of manipulation to his physical body changes the fact that he was born a male. No matter how much he thinks about being a woman, he will never know that distinction. His body can plant a seed of life, but he cannot bring one forth. He can offer hugs and kisses to a newborn, but he cannot give life sustaining nourishment offered by the delicacy of mother’s milk. To claim he is a woman is a certain untruth. He can only masquerade as one. Therein lies the heartache I feel for Jenner. Those who defend Jenner say that he should ‘no longer have to live a lie’. With all due respect, I have to disagree. Jenner’s physical parts define him as male. His mind can take him to all his imaginary experiences living as a woman, but that’s as far he will go–the boundaries of dreams that cannot become a reality. Even if he achieves alterations to his body giving him breasts, takes medications to prohibit the growth of hair in unwanted places, applies makeup to enhance his  eyes and lips, he is still trapped in a posture of ‘living a lie’.

Allow me to go on record stating that I do not dislike Jenner based on his announcement that he wants to be a woman. He’s made his decision and his followers are fueling his temporary popularity. The words ‘courageous’ and ‘brave’ have been assigned to him during this time, but soon they will fade along with the disappearance of his name and face from magazine covers. What remains will be the possibility of continued inner turmoil as he tries to redefine a body that can only be masked and perhaps a society that will take a long, hard look at the choices of words used to describe someone’s life decisions. In our different lives we are all courageous. We are all brave.

Road Cycling
Posted on April 29, 2015

Today I went out for the second ride of the spring. Doing so made me feel very excited and thrilled to enjoy somesunshine while putting myself through a workout. The excitement caused me to dream big and visualize how far I would ride in order to get in a decent workout. Boy, do I dream big or do I assume I am able to do more than is realistic considering I’m still going from winter couch to athletic gear.

I perform real well when I’m on the paved part of our road, but when I hit the gravel all odds seem to be against me. Besides paying attention to traffic flow going both directions, the gravel part of our road has taken on the rough edges of an old tyme laundry washboard. Once I find a groove to stay steady on my bike, I am challenged with new soft gravel that’s been put down after the frost has left the ground, covering winter’s previous potholes big enough to swallow a toddler!

After getting a bit into my ride, I did find a steady pace, in spite of the obstacles and I rode a fair distance, 3.18 miles. Traffic was light, a slight breeze cooled me on my round trip, and a stop at the neighborhood creek gave me some welcome beauty seeing the continued progress of spring replacing winter’s harshness against the trees and banks shoring the water. I watched twigs and other items float downstream in the otherwise quiet of my ride.

Riding gave me time to think, ability to ponder how my life can take on the characteristics of a road. Some areas of my life are smooth and others have rough edges waiting for me or someone else to come along lending a helping hand with a patch or pile of what’s needed to keep me strong and useful for others. Those same thoughts reminded me that I need to be that kind of person for others as well when life’s struggles seem too big or difficult visuilizing their own successes.

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I like reading the Psalms, especially with the corresponding date of the calendar. Finding nuggets of God’s truth and traits of His character aways excites me and gives me encouragement .

Today, as I read through Psalm 3 several times, I decided to circle action words. Doing so helps me to ‘digest’ and better absorb the depth behind the words in each verse. This type of exercise also forces me to single out key words and their definitions. In verses 3  throuh 5 thisis what I discovered. God is: a shield ** a bestower ** a lifter ** an answerer  **a sustainer. I decided to define these  traits a bit further and made an expanded list: By shielding He is protecting **by bestowing He is gifting, giving honor, granting **by answering He is replying  **He hears my questions  **by sustaining He fills me with strength to keep going when I am weary.

David wrote this Psalm when he was fleeing  from Absalom. Knowing that kind of fear–the kind when an enemy is in hot pursuit–isn’t a level I can comprehend. The closest I can relate to David is my commitment to be ‘in health’ and overcome some chronic pain issues that plague me. Depending on my decisions pertaining to proper nutrition, exercise and rest each day has the potential to present challenges. On particular uncomfortable days, I turn to the Psalms for encouragement, strength, and hope.

Additionally, when David penned this psalm, not only did he remind himself of ‘what’ God can do, he turned his fearful circumstances into a prayer. Knowing he could cry out to God had to have given David a sense of deep hope. In verses 7 through 8 David asked God to: deliver **strike all his enemies **break the teeth of the wicked because he knew that would bring ‘deliverance’…..freedom. Upon reading these latter verses one might think that David’s prayer was asking God to be pretty harsh with his enemies. We must remember that David was a seasoned warrior and he had a heart after God’s. Being bold and fully honest, David was also describing and teaching us (me) that as one of God’s children–caught in a bad place–surrounded by enemies or battling physical struggles–we (I)  can ask for extreme help!

I want an ‘extreme’ God. I want a God who is extravagant with everthing good that He ‘has’ for me and ‘does’ for me. I want to be behind His ‘shield’ of protection and stand with open hands to receive my ‘bestowed’ gifts. Furthermore, I want to live a life of ‘deliverance’ from sin and the ‘freedom’ that comes with His gift of redemption. As I continue to pursue health–making wise choices in conjunction with seeking wisdom from Him–I will: lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me. (vs. 5)

It’s cold today, a chilling 11 degrees even though the sun is shining brightly against blue skies with very few clouds in sight. The sun’s reflective rays are dancing on top of the snow that fell last week and gave us a blanket to cover the dryness of dead grass and muddy piles created by a brief thaw in the midst of winter. When the snow is deep and not much old growth from last summer’s blooms are left for the bunnies and birds to forage, I take comfort in providing bird seed or a suet cake for their dining pleasure. Dried pieces of bread sometimes are added to the area where our resident critters visit. I never tire of seeing who visits the cake that hangs from one of the pine tree branches outside of our bedroom window.

This morning a woodpecker made a dining reservation and enjoyed the suet for quite awhile. As he swayed to and fro in the movement created by his own antics of hanging on to the cage, I marveled at his endurance in the cold and seemingly lack of concern for other birds who may want to feast as well. In fact, the smaller birds who stay during the winter months seemed content to stay on the ground and pick up the crumbs left behind from his steady pickings at the suet.

Watching birds, no matter what time of year, intrigue me. They are a consistant reminder for me about how much God loves me and goes to great measures to protect me…to provide for me…to surround me with many good things. Isaiah 46:4 says ” Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” (While I don’t believe I have truly reached ‘old age’, I do have gray hairs.) I have never doubted that God created me, but there have been too many times in my life when I have doubted God’s promise to provide, sustain, and rescue. Those times were clouded with depending on myself or someone else instead of fully relying on God. Fortunately, when I reflect back on those incidents, whichever they be, I can definitely say with confidence that God always did ‘provide’, always ‘sustained’ me, and ‘rescued’ me when I wandered from His umbrella of protection.

On a cold wintry day the birds know where to find food to sustain them. For me, I’m inside a nice, warm, comfortable home and I know where to find ‘food’ too….inside the pages of my Bible. Spiritual food is important for my well-being. Like physical food for the body, I need God’s Word to feed my spirit, especially when I feel empty, lost, or lacking. Much like the woodpecker who hangs tightly onto the suet cage, I find myself hanging onto the promises of God that fill the pages of His Word. In times of danger I can ask for a ‘hedge of protection’ to be round about me. Psalm 121: 7-8 says “The Lord will keep you from all harm–he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.” When I feel lost, God will seek me among the darkness of my wanderings for “He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.” (Isaiah 40:11)

Do birds worry about daily provision? I don’t have a clue to that question. Using the instincts placed within their own created minds, they forage for seeds and visit the seed put out by loving hands. They know how to seek shelter, how to remain protected, and how to fly with great freedom. God’s Word, written by many hands inspired with great love, is my own food to satisfy my daily hunger. Every book, each thought was inspired by His Holy Spirit and is useful to teach me…correct me…rebuke me…sustain me…feed me…protect me. I know how to satisfy my ‘hunger’ and am thankful that I don’t have to go very far to find ample portions.  When the winds of life are blustery and threatening, I will hang on tightly. When I sense danger, I will keep a watchful eye and remember God’s faithfulness to protect me. When I falter or forget to be ‘sustained’ and ‘steadfast’ I will remember the antics of a beautiful woodpecker having a breakfast date with a cake of suet.

Several weeks ago I was fortunate to have picked raspberries before the first heavy frost that fall had to offer. I almost did not make the trip and now, looking back, I am so thrilled that I did because I came home with about four quarts of berries. We delighted in those fresh berries, but most of them made their way into freezer bags to tantalize our taste buds when the snow is flying and piling up during the winter months, giving us a break from the usual purchases of fruit that the stores have to offer.

I was by myself on the morning I chose to pick the berries. The sun was shining but there was a very brisk, sharp breeze in the air making me happy that I chose to wear a sweatshirt with a hood. As I approached the berry plants I was surprised at how many still had fruit hanging from the branches. With my bucket in tow, actually tied about my waist, I began my task. Not too soon into my picking experience I realized that I was beginning to learn some lessons that came in word pictures for me as I worked my way among the ample supply of berries.

1. Picking raspberries is tedious work. My bucket seemed small until I began to notice that it was going to take a bit longer than anticipated to cover the bottom neverless fill it to the brim. Because I can be impatient I began to ponder if I was really enjoying this experience.

2. Some of the best berries were hidden. I had to kneel, bend, squat, and look twice to find some of the best berries which meant taking hold of a thorny branch and turning it over to find sweet, red berries. Doing so often paid off in a handful of wonderful, red fruit plus a prick or two from a thorn. Ouch!

3. I spilled my bucket of berries in the grass–twice. That was no fun. As I attempted to retrieve the fruit of my labor I discovered I was having a difficult time not getting grass and other plant life in my bucket. Argh!

4. Every once in awhile a bee or two buzzed around my shoulders or hands as I worked. I even met a small black spider who was minding his own business as he made his way across a leaf. He had good company from small beetles who were busy chewing holes in the leaves of the plants. I chuckled. A friendly sign in the shed warned me that the bees were busy at work, as well as other creatures of nature. Smile!

5. Before too long my bucket was full and my back was sore. So were my legs. My cheeks were chilled from the air and my resolve to go home with ample berries was satisfied.

During the time it took me to pick my berries I could not help but think of how they were teaching me about God and my relationship with Him.

1. Spending time with God is sacrificial. I show up ’empty’ like my little bucket, but soon, as I spend time in His Word, I am ‘filled’, sometimes to overflowing. If I don’t rush through my time with Him, I find treasures galore.

2. Some of God’s treasures are hidden. Like the best berries, in order to find and claim God’s gems for me I have to dig deep into His Word. I can’t be satisfied to read on the surface; I need to dive in feet and all.

3. I don’t always hold onto God’s promises. I have a tendency to walk through days that stretch into weeks of neglecting to remind myself of who I am in Christ…His child who was chosen, set apart, forgiven, made holy and blameless. The list is exhaustive. These are some of my favorites.

4. Like the thorns from the berry bushes that prick skin and cause irritation, sin creeps into my life, sometimes quite subtly. I need to remind myself every day to be on guard and gird myself with the Word of God and dress myself in the Armor of God knowing that no weapon formed against me shall prosper.

5. Spending time reading God’s Word and talking to Him has benefits beyond description. Doing so isn’t a checkmark on a “to do” list that later gets an announcement to friends and family “hey, look what I did–I spent time with God!” On the contrary, it’s rewarding time whose benefits naturally overflow into the lives others and my family as we live in our relationships.

I like raspberries but I love God. I like a full bucket of berries but I long for the fullness of God. I want to be fast when it comes to picking berries. I want God to take His time as He continues to mold me to His perfection. I can tolerate bees, beetles and spiders. I am ashamed when sin enters my life.

My four quarts of berries in the freezer will not last a long time as we begin to enjoy them this winter. My portions with God cannot be contained. In fact, they cause my spiritual bucket to tip over….and this time when I scoop up the treasures there are no ‘weeds’ to contend with as I refill my bucket.

We reached another milestone as parents on April 27. Our son Daniel graduated from Eastern Michigan University with his bachelor’s degree, majoring in Marketing. While we celebrate and continue to bask in the glory of his successes, it seems like yesterday that he got on the school bus and began his public school education. All too clearly I can remember the stubborn difficulties he presented at kindergarten round-up declaring “I don’t have any” when asked to name his body parts. And, being slightly scolded at his first parent-teacher conference in kindergarten that ‘Dan doesn’t color in the lines’. He also liked to run in the school hallways rather than walk and as he grew and maneuvered through those succeeding years he continued to challenge his teachers and us.

No, Dan didn’t color in the lines but he did like to draw. Not sharing the names of his body parts gave way to his becoming a modest young man, one who has often kept his thoughts and feelings private except in the face of fierce competition or deep loss. He also used his ‘speed’ to his advantage as an accomplished athlete from the time he could join organized sports teams. Football was his favorite and as a family we never tired from watching him. Admittedly, I miss those days and often secretly wish he could have played at college level.

Dan is also very loyal and we marvel at the many close friendships he still maintains with young men and women that were in school with him. He has chosen solid relationships well and continues to live an adventurous life surrounded by some pretty neat individuals. One of his best buddies Michael is serving in the United States Air Force, has lived in several states and Dan has been able to take the time and energy to visit. He’s very proud of his friend’s own accomplishments with his military career.

Dan’s degree is in Marketing. Several weeks before his graduation commencement was approaching he was home for an overnight visit and I asked him his plans career-wise. His response was “I’d like a sales position. Mom, I can talk a cat off a salmon truck”. How I laughed and secretly smiled on the inside. He’s so much like his grandpa, my dad. Quiet. Reserved. Witty. All at proper timing too I might add.

The characteristic that I most admire about Dan is his love for family and a caring, sensitive spirit in great times of need. I have several most memorable moments of him exhibiting deep compassion whether in his body language or a few well spoken words. I won’t be sharing those in this blog; those are matters of the heart for me and out of respect for his humility and not enjoying ‘public revelation’ they will remain in the vault of the place I call “a mother’s heart”.

Yes, my youngest child has reached a major milestone in his life. He is now the holder of a college degree, one in which he made all the decisions to pursue, relying on his own searchings and mentoring advice along the way. He worked hard, stayed the course, and never complained except when questioning the validity of several required courses. I’m glad he never ‘colored in the lines’ or ‘always ran versus walking’ because doing so showed me that my son isn’t afraid to be an individual, then or now. I’m proud that he respects proper authority, yet isn’t afraid to question those above him. After all, isn’t that how we learn?

So, Dan’s milestone marker is positioned and solidly in place–April 2014–College Graduate. It’s situated along the path of his life, waiting for his footsteps to make more impressions as he continues the journey of his life. Similar to the years that he played football, I will be on the sidelines cheering him on to victory and encouraging him on the days that defeat or setbacks weave themselves into his circumstances. Most importantly, I will be praying for the next milestone to come into view as he navigates the next part of his road.

He will not be afraid of evil tidings; His heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. (Psalms 112:7 NKJV)

What is a steadfast heart? It is the person who endures patiently, who is reliable, faithful and true to the end, who exhibits perseverance.

The old woman lay in her bed in the nursing home that had become her final residence while suffering with cancer. She missed her home which had been built for her and her husband as a gift from their children. Years of hardship and oftentimes poverty stricken days were no longer a permanent influence in her life. Those challenges were always met with a heart of gratitude and a voice crying out to The Lord her provider.

In her final weeks, days, and hours this side of Heaven her heart did not change, and her voice though weak from the illness dwelling deep in her bones had no effect on her steadfastness and trust in The Lord. Always one to be concerned with others over her own needs, she listened to the cries and moaning from other residents in nearby rooms. As a nurse would enter the woman’s room to care for her needs her quiet admonition was “I’m all right, take care of the others first.” And she would ask, “Do they know Jesus? I’m praying for them.”

That woman was my Grandmother Jewell. She died when I was 14 years old. I didn’t spend a lot of alone time with grandma because when we visited on Sunday afternoons there were at least half a dozen other grandchildren present biding for her love and attention which we did receive, yet there weren’t a lot of opportunities to crawl up on her lap or cuddle next to her in a chair. Nonetheless, we knew of her deep faith by her example and by the legacy of stories shared by her children.

To have a steadfastness in The Lord that is described as enduring with patience, is reliable and true to the end is an ample description of my grandma. It is an old woman, ridden with cancer, praying while in the confines of a bed making use of the precious time granted to her by a loving Father.

I wonder. How many souls from that nursing home are in Heaven because of my grandmother? The answer lies within the pages of the Lamb’s Book of Life.

* * *
Father, may I learn to have a heart that is steadfast and grow in faith that trusts You completely in all matters. Teach me not to fear. Teach me to fully rely on You when hard times fall upon me and evil lurks in my midst. Remind me that You are always with me. Amen

John 6: 12-13 …”Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted.”

Have you ever become ‘undone’ or ‘fell in a heap’? Can you count the number of times when you have felt as though your entire life has crumbled before your very eyes and hope for reconstruction is far from your concept of reality? Or, maybe you feel trapped in circumstances spinning out of control and a plan to escape defies the odds of being able to do so without causing a lot of anguish, pain, hurt, and an uncertain future.

I’d like to tell you a story. It’s a story about a young woman who had dreams to be a writer, an author of great books that many would enjoy. Upon entering business school after graduating from high school, she though her love for writing would land her a position in an advertising firm where her persuasive words and light heartedness for life would entice people to be lured towards whatever it was she was ‘promoting’. She also wanted to be different than her mother; she wanted more than being wife, mother, homemaker–she wanted ‘things’, she was in pursuit of material wealth and set her sights on how to achieve that goal. She surmised that in order to have more than her parents had, she’d have to find someone who could help her obtain a life of comfort and wealth. She met a promising young man in high school who had dreams and goals of his own to be successful and wealthy, a perfect match for such a time in their lives. They married, settled into the final stretch of his college education and began the journey towards success. It wasn’t long before trouble entered through the door of their home and strife became a welcomed guest at the table of their dreams. The young woman began to question her decisions in life and retreated to a place of isolation and despair. Dreams were becoming a faint memory and self confidence was replaced with feelings of unworthiness and being unloved. All that she had known as solid truth was replaced by lies, anger, and deep disappointments. Wealth was being obtained, but it came with a price–there was no frivolous fun, no exciting adventures to places unseen, no meaningful relationships outside of family. God, who had been an important part of the young woman’s life until these difficult years, was ignored–until the young woman ‘came undone’ , closed the door in the face of despair and opened the looming door called ‘fresh start’. 

She found herself at the altar of God, not literally, but spiritually. Four long years had divided her attention and focus on God, but she soon realized that He had never forgotten her and nothing she had chosen during those years was a surprise to Him or a hindrance from HIs ability to forgive, renew, restore, and encourage her to begin making choices and decisions with Him at the center. When she came to Him, she was broken, deeply saddened, emotionally wounded, ashamed, rejected, lonely, afraid…..she brought these seven ‘things’ to Him and He gave thanks and broke them from her and off her….and  then He gathered up the pieces and put them in His basket labeled “Future Purpose”.

As the young woman reveled in her restored relationship with God, He gave her a new life, new dreams, new joy, new purpose, and many opportunities to love Him and serve others. Earthly love came again, this time with someone who shared similar dreams, who was kind, endearing, loyal, funny, determined, and made her feel like a princess. God was at the center of their lives and throughout the hardships has remained where He belongs in their hearts and minds. The brokenness of the young woman’s past  was far removed as a stinging weapon meant to heap guilt or shame. The healing balm of God’s love has been applied to those broken pieces, now being used to minister healing to others who find themselves ‘undone’ and in their ‘own pile’. She has permission and commanded purpose to freely reach into the “Future Purpose” basket grabbing hold of a “healed piece from her past”  in order to minister the same restorative power to others. She does so with humility and drivenness to see captives set free, to bind up the brokenhearted, to set right what Satan has distorted. 

The young woman isn’t quite so young anymore. She’s beyond her middle years, entering a new season tipping the edge of golden years. Some of her childhood dreams still flood her mind. Writing has become a reality although the subject matter has changed. She’s had to admit that she did want to be like her mother–wife, mom, homemaker. She has obtained wealth by tapping into the “riches and glory of God”. She is no longer ‘undone’ or a ‘piled heap’ in a corner of despair and loneliness. She can be seen holding her “Future Basket” in one hand and in the other God’s promise not to waste any of her past hurts or mistakes. The ashes of her selfish and broken earlier years have been made beautiful in God’s sight and she’d like to believe have become key ingredients each time He prepares and mixes a new batch of ‘healing balm’ as He waits to minister redemption to another prodigal.

I was that prodigal. Hello, my name is Susan, and I’m a grateful believer in Jesus Christ.

Ash Wednesday holds great significance for me.  I came Home.   I had been distant from God for four years, yet in His tender mercy He kept wooing me.  I got pretty good at ignoring Him but He was diligent in pursuing me.  After the running was over and my life in shambles I connected with Him for the first real time on Ash Wednesday 1979.   I was a sinner in need of a Saviour; I was a broken woman in need of a healer.  I found both during that unforgettable return to church.   

My marriage of four years was over and although my part in the failure is acknowledged there lay within me a lot of woundedness and shame that God would take years to heal, using  many good teachers of the Word to facilitate the healing. He was faithful and gentle, yet relentless showing me when and how to truly accept the changes he was making in me. He did this by creating a hunger and thirst to know Him. Overnight I had a deep desire to listen to Christian radio and qualified ministers.  I felt like I was going crazy because all I could think about was Jesus.  Upon my conversion I was totally unaware that I had also been given an ‘extreme makeover’. When I went into work on Thursday morning one of the executives asked ‘what have you done differently with your makeup today?’ to which I replied ‘nothing’. ‘Ah’, he said, ‘but something is different’. It wasn’t until I had gained an understanding of 2 Corinthians 5:17 which says “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” that indeed God’s working power was evident in my life, shining forth in my face.

My most precious memory of my 1979 Ash Wednesday is a conversation that took place between my mother and me. Let me set the background and the scene. Mom was a prayer warrior. Her passion was knowing that everyone–but most importantly–her children have a saving relationship with Christ. So you can imagine and sense her sorrow knowing her daughter had drifted from God for four years. We’d even had several unpleasant conversations regarding my prodigal status. Visualize the prodigal daughter has moved back to her parent’s home and is now sleeping in her old bedroom. The work of the Ash Wednesday service is over in the natural, but very much active in the heart and mind of a scared 24 year old woman as she retires to bed for the night. In comes her mother who isn’t sure what to do or say to a child living with a decision to divorce, yet is so happy that her child was in church for the first time in four long years. She quietly sits on the bed next to her child, not seeing a grown woman, but the face of her baby and she gently pushes aside a strand of hair and whispers ‘is it good to be home?’ I’m certain  she meant to be physically back home in the safety of the walls that had protected me for 21 years. I answer ‘yes’ but really being expressed was that I was ‘Home’….in a rightful relationship with God. Now, these 35 years later, I realize I was actually in ‘two places at one time’–it can be accomplished! …..home and Home.