For the last couple of weeks, it’s been enjoyable writing about the diversity in my own family, particularly that of my mother’s side, as my generation has both white and black skinned cousins and now second ones, too. I haven’t met everyone of the younger children but I hope that changes in the near future. Seeing their pictures on social media only gives me small glimpses into their lives.

As I thought about how to continue writing about my family, to share openly more insight into our lives, I remembered I had done a DNA test through one of the popular sites that offers this service. I remember getting my kit, returning a saliva sample and anxiously awaiting the results. When they finally arrived, I wasn’t completely surprised at the findings. Today, I went back to the site to confirm the stats of my test–I am 99.7% European (no surprise there), however, within that number I’m broken down to 44.2% French/German and 9.3% British/Irish. These numbers only represent maternal DNA. Looking at a map which shows my markers, my far away ancestors were from the North Rhine-Westphalia region. Birthplaces for my mother’s parents are off to the east towards Berlin and Poland, the general information our oral family history indicates.

I think it’s safe to assume that most people want to enjoy hearing about their ancestors. For me, this is most certainly true. Because I did not have the luxury of knowing my mother’s parents, I always had questions about who they were and what they were like. These are some of the only facts I have about them:

• My grandfather was orphaned at the age of 4 which would have been about 1888; he ran away from the orphanage at age 11. Nothing has been known until his courtship with grandma who was two years older than he and their marriage. Where did he run to and how did he survive?
• Grandma was the daughter of a schoolteacher. It was her job to clean the small classroom every day after the students went home. She spoke a higher level of German compared to grandpa’s “working man’s” German, something he envied of her
• They met at a dance and he proposed to her three times before she consented, telling him “what have I got to lose, no one else has come along asking me to marry”. We kids were told that although their marriage may NOT have begun rooted in romantic love, as years went by and their children came along, deep love and affection for one another was created
• Grandpa immigrated to America in 1910, followed by grandma and my Aunt Natalie in 1913 (she was three years old)
• They established their home on the east side of Saginaw, Michigan in a neighborhood among Germans, Poles, and Russians. In fact, my grandparents were fluent in those three languages and my grandfather became fluent in English as well. Grandma, being a homemaker, only developed a broken ability to converse in English. Therefore, she preferred the children (my mother included) to speak German in the home.
• My grandfather purchased his first automobile before he could legally drive
• He worked second shift for a rail company in Saginaw and did the family grocery shopping at a market each day on his way home from work.
• They raised 7 children, however, when grandma was pregnant with my Aunt Emma, she had a terrible accident with a pot of boiling water which scalded my Aunt Wanda, age 4 at the time. She did not survive her burns and is buried in the children’s section of a cemetery in Saginaw.
• Another very heartwarming fact is that due to my grandma’s broken English, my dad taught himself German while serving abroad with the US Navy. Upon returning home on leave one time, he greeted her in her native tongue, continued conversations in German and told me “it was like getting to know someone all over again with each subsequent visit” as they could finally converse. (To me, this is an example of pure love, when someone will invest time and effort to learn how to communicate with a loved one, especially as an “in-law)

Why do I enjoy sharing these tidbits about my family? The little I know has caused me the desire to know more, however, there is much I will never learn about their lives while in Germany and some of their experiences in America, other than the memories I have from my mother. It’s why I have been thrilled to reconnect with my Aunt Kate’s children, my cousins Willie and Barbara. The conversations we’ve had about their childhood, the struggles and missing pieces of their lives have been important to me.

Admittedly, I only gave thought as I grew up thinking about them being “accepted” into our predominantly white family, only later to find they missed out knowing their father’s family who still resided in the south, because of their disdain for the marriage. Visits to spend time with their grandparents and cousins in Uncle Bill’s family were always declined as he feared for their safety.

This morning, before sitting down to write, I listened to a black preacher talk about using the term “racial differences” among people. This man spoke what I’ve always believed since becoming a Christ follower–we are ONE human race and while I contend that to be true, I’ve also added in my own words–”we are like a box of crayons, we come in different colors”. However, this pastor–and forgive me–I didn’t write down his name–declares we don’t come in different colors, that when God created us male and female, we are ALL one color but due to the level of melanin in our pigmentation, we have a variety of skin tones.  I totally agree.

I’ve witnessed first hand the sorrow resulted in my family from Kate and Bill’s marriage. Of mom’s siblings, two of them were adamant to not socialize with them, and when Aunt Kate died either attended her funeral. When Willie and I reconnected, one of his first questions was to ask me where our Aunt Emma was living, who by that time, was in a memory care facility. He visited her faithfully every week, an aunt that had previously rejected his parents, him, and his sister.

She didn’t know who he was…but Willie didn’t let that stop him.

I like to think that love showed up in extraordinary ways in my mother’s family, the first when my dad learned German, his only additional language, and two, when Willie visited our aunt, knowing there had been rejection, many lost years, but in the words he joyfully declares to me often during conversation “We are family! I love you!” “You take care now, ya hear?”

I’ll end this weeks musings with a final thought…I like to believe that when I enter Heaven I will be reunited with loved ones who’ve I’ve known and those I did not. I’m not sure how our earthly relationships transfer to Heaven…but I also like to think I WILL finally get to meet my grandparents, my Aunt Natalie, my Aunt Wanda. And if I do–I won’t need the ability to converse in German because I’m pretty sure God has that all taken care of when he brings us all Home. Additionally? He isn’t concerned how our family took on different skin tones. After all, He’s the One Who created us and placed our loved ones in our lives. 

Last week I introduced brief information about my Hillert Family which is from my mother’s side. Myself and my cousins are what I would call “second generation born in America”. You see, my grandparents immigrated to America in the early 1900’s, three years apart. Their oldest child, my Aunt Natalie, was born in Germany; she was three years old when she accompanied grandma for their voyage here to join my grandpa. He had already established himself in Saginaw, Michigan working for a railway company as a mechanic. The cousins I mentioned who attended lunch–Arnie and Otto–are her two children. They are the oldest in our cousin group and they have a sister who I haven’t seen in many years.

When writing a book, each chapter tells a different aspect of the story. Once my grandparents were reunited, living on Saginaw’s east side of the river, they had six more children. My mother was the “baby of the family”. I loved hearing her tell me about her sister Natalie, she adored her. Natalie died the year I was born. I was only a few months old at the time my parents took me to her home so she could “meet me”. I grew to love this aunt through my mother’s memories and now, as I’m with Arnie and Otto, their beautiful recollections of their mother are helping me to grow even fonder.

Another chapter in our book, describes my Aunt Kate. She’s the mother of Will and Barbara, who still live in Saginaw. Kate met Uncle Bill in the 40s, after the war had ended. Often, my parents entertained them in their first home as a married couple and when dad drove Kate home, she asked to be dropped off a few blocks away, never fully explaining why other than saying “I prefer to walk the rest of the way”. Kate was meeting Bill in secret, living in fear if their relationship was discovered. Uncle Bill was from the deep south and his skin was as black as coal. Soon, their relationship turned from merely dating to marriage. The union was accepted by my grandparents….my mother’s siblings were split concerning their own ideals. Fortunately, as I look back on all those years, I had parents who accepted Kate and Bill’s courageous decision to marry. As a child I can remember going to their home and playing with Will and Barbara. I can even recall telling my neighborhood friends “I have cousins who are black” and they didn’t believe me.

I wish I could tell you that Kate and Bill’s time as husband and wife was perfect. It wasn’t. Living during the 50s through the 70s weren’t the most welcoming times for what we always called an “inter-racial” marriage. I don’t know all their challenges or heartaches, but my reconnection with Will, Barbara, and Will’s children, have allowed me, have shown me that much love and tools for living as a good person were taught to them, exactly as I was raised.

During one of my visits to Saginaw, I had time to sit alone with Will and Barbara and we talked about their lives, their ethnicity … .two individuals born of a black father and a white German mother. Both my cousins have complexions that are very light brown. Barbara looks more Hispanic and Will actually could pass as mediterranean. It’s interesting how God takes genes and creates something beautiful no matter the color on the palate. Another beauty of our rekindled relationships is our ability to ask hard questions such as “what was it like having parents such as yours?” “Tell me about the prejudices you have endured.” Their answers were raw, honest, and eye opening, often under tears that welled up as I listened. In spite of their experiences, I’d honestly say that they aren’t bitter, except Barbara. Her hurts have left some lingering wounds that only God can heal and hopefully feeling new found love from family she hasn’t seen in years. 

Now, when those of us who are able to gather around a big lunch table, we are getting reacquainted. We are trying to fill in the gaps carved out from empty years of being apart from each other. We hug and kiss one another on the cheek, me reaching up to my six foot second cousin Brandon…telling each other “I love you” as we say our goodbyes. 

I think back to Aunt Kate meeting Uncle Bill “in secret”, the man she chose to love, doing so at risk of disapproving eyes. I contrast that to us Hillert cousins opening embracing one another during a lunchtime date. Some of us are very fair complected while others are quite dark. One set of genes traveled an ocean from Europe. The other set of genes possibly came from another continent in past generations. Africa? I don’t have a clue, but nonetheless that DNA is present. We are unique and we are loving and the best part? We don’t need to connive to meet in secret and no one has ever given us a second glance or questioned our relationship, obvious differences and all.

I think my parents would be proud. I think Aunt Kate and Uncle Bill would be happy, too. I’m thankful for my parents who raised me to love my family and I’m grateful for the courage of Kate and Bill who gave me some pretty cool people to enjoy life with!

At their last home she and grandpa lived in, she continued to have a variety of small garden areas for flowers and vegetables. Grape vines lined the border of the driveway, berry bushes crowded an area outside the front door to their small home. Fruit trees provided ample goods for fresh pies and jams also providing for great climbing when we visited on Sunday afternoons. A small greenhouse stood in the back of their home and I can still smell the dirt in my lungs, and see all the new plants on crude benches. Next to Jesus and love of family, anything a garden could produce brought sheer joy to my grandmother’s humble heart.

By the time all the children were out of the home, years of early mornings on the family farm and late nights spent in prayer for her family, began to take a toll on grandma’s health, especially her eyes. Slowly, her vision began to blur, even behind glasses. Her aging body moved more slowly now and walking on uneven ground was a concern to grandpa. So, he got her a little brown pup to become a companion to be her “eyes” and “steady her feet”. Fitting to his color, they named him “Brownie” and though he never attended obedience school or any other formal training, somehow Brownie “knew” his purpose. Whenever grandma went outside to check on plants, to walk among her flower beds, he was right by her side, quick to keep her steady or even chase off a rabbit or snake.

Brownie’s love for grandma, his dedication to her, causes me to ponder that everyone needs people in their lives who come alongside us. Some may be part of our lifetime, others enter for brief stretches in order to meet a need or teach a lesson.

I’ve been fortunate to have a variety of mentors in my own life, those individuals who God placed in my path for wonderful reasons. I think of Verne, a choir director I sang under at my home church in Saginaw. I was in my early 20’s when he began directing our adult choir and he recognized my “voice” and asked me to consider solo work, which I quickly said “no”. I’ll never forget when he said to me “Let me take you to lunch and talk about why you need to be performing solo work”. I clearly remember thinking “at least I’ll get a nice free lunch”. But Verne and God. In the course of under 60 minutes Verne prodded and poked through my fears and excuses and I agreed to give solo work a try. Those first attempts brought out nerves I didn’t know I had, proved that I could perform without throwing up (even though I wanted to) and gave me another outlet for worship and praising God.

When we moved to Fowlerville, I met Janet at the first church we attended. She invited me to a women’s Bible study, took me under her wings so-to-speak and invested countless hours of her own time to call me, invited me to Christian functions, ask me hard questions, and most importantly, taught me how to pray with more confidence and faith through some hard times in her life and mine.

“Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.”  Proverbs 27: 9

What a simple beautiful verse from Proverbs that allows me to visualize grandma on a daily stroll in the gardens of her backyard…smelling all the fragrances from blooming flowers and ripening berries…the joy she was feeling in the moment…feeling secure in her Savior’s love and the protection of a little brown dog.

Grandma died when I was 14. Gramp lived for a while in that last small home they shared together until health concerns caused him to move in with one of my aunts. Brownie went to live on an uncle’s small gentleman’s farm in Millington where he was able to live out his last few years lazing on the lawn or wandering through the barn. Old age caused him to slow down, too, something every living creature experiences. He had lived out his purpose and when it came time, he, too, was given final rest. 

Verne died a few years ago, quite unexpectedly. Sadly, I’ve lost track of Janet. Though they are no longer part of my daily life, the lessons, encouragement and memories from their friendship still remain strong in my memories and endearing to my heart. Their “heartfelt advice” has grown a garden of faith I embrace every day.

Last week I wrote about my woes concerning my annual attempt at having a few small vegetable plants to enjoy fresh produce from “dirt to table” so-to-speak. So far, the majority of my plants are still thriving under days of heat and rain. I’ve had–and continue to have–a bountiful harvest of dill. Those voluntary plants are turning out to be the best producers and will be most welcome in meals this fall and winter. I’m learning how to properly dry herbs, too,  which gives me a great source of joy!

Sitting here to write, nursing an irritating summer cold, I was drawn to my thoughts about my grandmother’s garden. My dad told me that from the time he could remember back to his own childhood, she had her vegetable garden which not only provided fresh food for her meals but also served as a training ground to teach each child responsibilities … .planting, watering, weeding. I recall my dad telling me one time how “Sadie Jewell’s Garden” was the envy of nearby housewives. When paying a visit it wasn’t uncommon for one of the women to compliment grandma on the beauty and health of her garden, always asking “what’s your secret, Sadie?” I can hear her soft gentle voice reply “Oh, a little manure mixed in the watering bucket every once in a while does the trick….” Dad always laughed when he told that part of the memory. Sure, manure helps plants grow nicely and living on a farm provided a lot of this “free” fertilizer, but he and everyone in the family who knew Sadie knew better. It was her prayers. She was a strong woman of faith who had much to pray about raising 11 children over a span of years. Filling hungry bellies was a need that often went before the Lord during her 2 am prayer time so it was only natural she’d pray over her seedlings as she strolled through the garden.

I also am thinking about another garden, the one we read about in the book of Genesis. I was curious about the number of times God called something He created as “good”. On Day 1 it was “light”. Day 3 He called dry land and seas and plant life “good”. Light and darkness came on Day 4. Birds and fish came on Day 5. Day 6 gave us living creatures on the earth and His declaration that “everything” He had made was Good. In fact, in verse 31 of Chapter 1 he expanded His pleasure by calling all He had made as “very good”. The only thing He didn’t call “good” was that man (Adam) should not be alone, so He created a woman to be his mate. 

I love the simplicity of reflecting on a beautiful memory from my dad’s own childhood about his mother’s vegetable garden. I marvel at the beauty and complexity of God’s own garden which He created in six days. Both gardens took time, needed tending, and both were considered “good”. God’s garden became a lush home for our first family, providing them everything they needed. My grandmother’s garden was very small in comparison to Eden, nonetheless God saw her efforts, heard her prayers for a bountiful harvest, and honored her with “goodness” from hands that toiled, lugged buckets of water, sometimes with a little manure mixed in….so she could stand back, wipe dirty hands in her apron and declare “my, my, my, ain’t that a beautiful sight to see?”  as she gazed at pumpkin plants, beans, corn, tomatoes, potatoes….all grown with small helping hands and a lot of early morning prayers.

The 4th of July is now behind us and for me I’ve always thought of it as marking the halfway point through summer in regard to time between school years, vacations yet to be taken, and waiting for gardens to begin producing their bounty for fresh eating or preservation. Admittedly, I’m an adequate to moderate gardener. Each year I look forward to working up the soil in our raised beds and an area behind our garage that is suitable for tomato plants and squash. I get excited when my little seeds begin to pop through the dirt and starter plants begin to flourish. On those mornings that aren’t too hot, I water and weed where needed.  And I continue to wait for the plants to grow.

This year we have our usual tomato plants along with two squash from seeds I saved from last fall. They’re doing quite nicely. We also enjoy green bell peppers and green beans so those were planted as well. This year I found kohlrabi at a local nursery which I put in between the beans and peppers. Beets are slowly germinating, radishes have done very well with each planting. Voluntary dill plants have crowded out the lettuces in our hot bed but I’m not complaining. When something reseeds I am most pleased! I even found a potato plant that sprouted behind the garage and is now quite the clump of foliage so I’m anticipating a nice little bucket of potatoes come late summer early fall.

I love the bounty of gardens. I don’t like weeds–who does–and I get downright frustrated with critters who get in and enjoy themselves from the fruit of MY labor. This is especially true for flowers and shrubs we have as perennials in our yard. The deer ate every bud on lily plants. They chomped on hostas as well as the day lilies next to our front porch. Also showing signs of total destruction is a moonflower shrub under bedroom windows. Each stem looks like a pair of hedge clippers went through to “top off” each one at the same height. A few weeks ago “someone” pulled out a geranium from its pot along with several smaller plants next to it. Two bird feeders have been stolen, not having been found!

As much as I want to, I cannot control the creatures that come visit our yard to see what’s currently on the menu. So, when I see any destruction, I take my moment to breathe a heavy sigh and see what I can do to continue trying to grow a few fresh vegetables. I take solace in the fact that my few plants didn’t break the budget to purchase and there’s always my favorite plan B–shop at local farmers’ markets for the produce I love and enjoy. (I can’t imagine the level of despair and concern small farmers endure at the mercy of critters who invade!)

My seemingly feeble attempts to garden remind me of being under God’s care. Years ago He planted a seed of faith in me that needed to be tended, watered, fed, and nurtured. As my master gardener, He has and continues to provide all that I need in order to maintain healthy growth and ward off all “weeds” of sin or attacks from satan. He has given me His Word, which is the Bible. He gifted me with the Holy Spirit to guide, teach, correct, and bring life to my flesh when it is tired, worn out, heavy laden with concerns. Unlike me who is unable to see “who” is coming to munch on my garden plants, He is all knowing and sees everything, fully aware of any weapon being formed against me and He is faithful to place a shield of protection around me.

Does the Bible have anything to say about gardening? It does: Read what Isaiah has to say in verse 11 of chapter 58: The LORD will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.”

This week I reached a dry patch for about 48 hours. My soul needed refreshment and encouragement. To keep from drying up or giving up I did a few things. First, I stayed connected to God by reading scripture and listening to solid teaching. I reached out to a trusted friend and asked her to pray for me, admitting how I was feeling and the whys behind the dampened emotions. Consequently, like plants looking more vibrant after a good watering, my emotions leveled out again, replaced by renewed joy.

Any good gardener knows that our plants and flowers need diligent attention. So it is with our spiritual growth, our emotional well being. Left alone, we will dry up. We may even be swallowed up by the weeds of life that will crouch and overtake if not properly removed. I leave you with this final thought from Psalm 104:14-21: 

“You cause the grass to grow for the cattle, and plants for people to use, to bring forth food from the earth, and wine to gladden the human heart, oil to make the face shine, and bread to strengthen the human heart”. 

I love that the Bible has verses about gardening to encourage me and you. It’s time to water my small garden!

Standing on your 12 step ladder, you are now on the last rung. The effort of climbing each rung has allowed you to go higher and higher with each step, gaining and maintaining your sure footedness with each movement of your legs and feet, hands gripping the sides of the ladder to balance your body. You have reached your final goal but the work you’ve set out to do isn’t finished. You have:

• Admitted powerlessness over addictions
• Came to believe in a power greater than ourselves
• Made a decision to turn our lives over to God
• Searched ourselves
• Admitted our exact wrongs
• Ready to have God remove defects in our character
• Asked God to remove our shortcomings
• Made a list of people to make amends to and carry it out
• Continued to take inventory of wrongs
• Improve our contact with God

And now, Step 12, “Having had a spiritual experience as the result of these steps, we try to carry this message to others and practice these principles in all our affairs”. How do we accomplish this? In Celebrate Recovery not only do we have 26 lessons to teach, we have testimonies from our group and across the country, those individuals who have completed a Step Study and write “their story” of life before recovery and after working these steps. One of my favorite stories of transformation comes from Jeff Stultz, Founder & National Director of Broken Chains which is a fellowship of motorcycle bikers who “have hope and healing in Jesus Christ through the Christ Centered Recovery process helping others to realize that change is possible”. Jeff’s early life included:

• Drug & alcohol addiction
• A father who mentally abused him, physically abused Jeff’s mother
• Engaged in violent behavior leading to his involvement in bike clubs for 15 years
• Robbing drug dealers at gunpoint
• Caused his parents to go bankrupt from lending him money and use of credit cards to support his drug addiction (they thought they were investing in his business)
• Meeting Preacher Biker Doc Ray who invited him to church and on April 22, 2007 having an encounter with Jesus Christ
• Introduced to Celebrate Recovery by new friends Jim & Deb

For the rest of Jeff’s incredible story, you can watch and listen on YouTube. Either type his name in the search box or use this link: youtu.beSVUzmDlxi2g?si=lxjJblbxlLZDlWaX

Jeff’s testimony and countless others in Celebrate Recovery tell of redemption, healing, hope, and restoration–all through Jesus Christ. In our own group we have several men who are celebrating victory over pornography use, gambling, drugs and alcohol. We have women learning how to heal from past sexual trauma(s), living as a codependent wife to an alcoholic husband, men and women learning healthy coping skills when anxiety takes over an otherwise clear mind. Some of our stories are very dramatic, others seem quite minimal when comparing childhood homes, experiences, and relationships that shape us. One thing we all have in common is our desire to be better, to be more healthy, to be set free from our own “chains” keeping us from all of the latter.

This past week, our church family heard one of our elders share “his story”. The majority of us had no idea that this wonderful man, who loves and serves God with a beautiful heart, had an addiction to alcohol until a few years ago. His willingness to be open and honest during his message was a clear example of being willing to share God’s redemptive work to repair a shattered life. I sat in awe as I listened but I also had to ask myself “I wonder how many people in these chairs have “something” they’ve kept secret, too’, a habit or sin that is driving decisions versus surrendering those things to God in order to become whole.

Step 12 is all about hearing from others how recovery works. In order to hear, there must be listeners. Our meetings average about 25 in attendance each week. I am thankful for EVERY person who makes it to our meetings, but honesty and selfishly, I know that not only in my church family or the community of Fowlerville as a whole, if more men and women would embrace Step 1, admitting powerlessness over addictions and compulsive behaviors, we’d see transformation in our families that would astound the world around us in our homes, our workplaces, our social gatherings, our schools, businesses–everywhere we spend our time.

Jeff Stulz spent 15 years living in two motorcycle clubs. He now spends his time traveling our country speaking to groups, helping Celebrate Recovery groups, running a successful business, spending time with his wife and a daughter who reconciled with him following his ability to make amends to her for all the heartache he had put her through. By the way, if you’ve watched the movie “Home Run”, Jeff plays the role of the umpire!

If you didn’t know Jeff, if you met him on the street, you may cower in fear and cross to the other side. I’ve met Jeff, and I can tell you he oozes Jesus and he gives the best hugs! He still looks like a biker, but he rides for a greater purpose now! That’s what God does, He doesn’t erase our past; He turns it into a new road–the road to recovery!

Still have questions? Email me at: celebraterecovery@fowlervilleub.org Want to talk in person? That can be arranged, too. We have male and female leaders willing to give of their time. You can call 517.223.9490 and leave a message for me with our staff. Someone from our team will gladly call you.

Goodness, in explaining and describing the 12 Step program of Celebrate Recovery, we have arrived at Step 11. “We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us, and power to carry that out”. There’s a lot to unpack in this sentence, however, a word I’d like to focus on is “conscious”, or in other words, having an awareness of one’s environment and one’s own existence, sensations, and thoughts. To look a bit further into what it means to be aware, I looked online at several sites to read about our conscious and subconscious minds. The information I liked best comes from berkeleywellcoming.com.

What Is The Subconscious? Our subconscious is all the activity in our brains that occurs without our realizing it (Malim & Birch, 1998). This includes not just thoughts and feelings, but also the activity of your brain as the control center for your body, such as its signals that make your body successful in things as basic as breathing and as complex as parallel parking a car or improvising on the guitar. In other words, the subconscious is both things we do not realize we are doing and also thoughts and feelings we do not realize we have.​

Subconscious vs Conscious Mind: In contrast to the subconscious mind, our conscious mind is all the thinking and feeling we are aware of. We can clearly see the difference by way of example: Suppose I am at the park with friends and somebody throws a frisbee in my direction. I might have some conscious thoughts as the frisbee is headed my way – “Do I know this person?” “Is it rude to stop the conversation I’m having?” “Will the frisbee hit my friend if I don’t catch it?” – But once I consciously decide that I want to catch the frisbee, it is subconscious mental processes that will guide my body through the motions of catching the frisbee.

So, how does this apply to being instructed to engage in intentional conversation with God? How do we discover what His will is for our lives? In his book “The Purpose Driven Life”, Pastor Rick Warren writes a blueprint for Christian living in the 21st century, a lifestyle based on God’s eternal purposes, not cultural values. We begin with God, our Creator. We can discover the reasons for creating each one of us. We were made BY and God and FOR God. Warren’s book helps the reader to understand how knowing God’s purpose will reduce stress, focus energy, simplify decisions, give meaning to life, and, most important, prepare us for eternity. 

So, to accomplish a good relationship with God, there’s several things we need to consciously choose to do each day: Have a quiet time with God *Listen to Him *Plug into God’s power *Slow down *Enjoy your growth

Nothing excites me more than watching a newcomer walk into Celebrate Recovery, attend our weekly meetings, engage in the studies we offer, work the steps and slowly make positive changes that replace habits and heal hurts. Above all, it’s very thrilling to witness active and sincere connections with God through worship and a healthy prayer life. We have many men and women who exemplify the words of Colossians 3:16: “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly”.

Our brains, our minds, our emotions, thoughts, and feelings are amazing things, all created by God. The science of studying these topics is very intriguing to say the least and doing so requires much time and dedication. So it is with God and scripture. We can’t begin to know or understand who God is and what His plans are for each one of us if we merely spend time occasionally with Him. That’s why the importance of daily time reading, praying, and listening give us hope, peace, healing, and a greater purpose beyond what our culture may try dictating to us!

Last week I wrote about the ability to make a list of every person we had harmed and a willingness to make amends or in other words, apologize to them for your wrongdoings. This week we focus on Step 9 which states: “We made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others”. With our list in hand, some more hard work begins. Along with our “list”, we have another tool to help us when making amends, it’s the gift of grace which comes from God. Grace is a gift, it cannot be bought. It’s freely given by God to you and me. When we offer (give) our amends and expect nothing back, that’s a gift from us to those whom we have hurt.

Making amends can be done in person or in the form of a letter if a relationship is too toxic yet to be face-to-face. In the case of a loved one or friend being deceased, there’s the empty chair method which is sitting across from an empty chair and imagining the person is facing you. Though it may seem awkward or weird to actually talk out loud to someone who is actually not present, there’s power in the process, because when we speak out loud, those things that satan tries to hold over us, has no power because God hears and forgives as we go through the amends process. 

A face-to-face apology simply means taking the time needed to tell the other person you’re sorry for anytime or anything you know hurt them and the relationship.

By writing a letter, you can take time to make simple statements that describe how you’re aware you hurt someone.

When I was ready for Step 9 I actually employed all three approaches when making my amends. Both my parents are deceased, therefore, I used the empty chair method. I have one relationship that is not healthy to this day, so I used a block of time to privately confess to God my own wrongdoings as well as forgive him. I chose to write letters to our children as I knew they both process information best in privacy; I also wrote to my oldest brother with whom I had a troublesome relationship that spanned many years. I was able to talk face-to-face with my second brother and the results were wonderful. No matter the approach taken, we offer our amends without expecting anything in return. Specifically, we don’t want to hear cliche responses like “Oh, you weren’t that bad” or “What you said to me really didn’t hurt me”. 

What we often find in Celebrate Recovery is that most of us weren’t taught how to develop open and honest communication in our relationships. Thus, we often make excuses for someone’s behavior even at the cost of our own feelings. And again, as I stated above with hearing cliche responses, they are defense mechanisms used when a person may be uncomfortable. It’s because “they” may not know how to react or respond due to their own ways of dealing with tough stuff.

This is why I love Celebrate Recovery. It has helped me develop my own “voice” in ways that are real, open, and laced with grace. For many things I may have let slide over the years, I’ve learned I can say “no” or “please don’t say or do that” and not feel guilty about how the other person feels. For instance, for whatever reason, I do not like the nickname Suzy-Q. You can call me Sue, Susie, or Suz but I detest Suzy-Q. For a long time if someone called me that, I’d merely ignore it and continue the conversation or change the subject. Now when it happens, I graciously say “please don’t call me that, it’s a nickname I have never enjoyed”. No one has ever misunderstood or questioned my request.

Going back to how our amends can either be acknowledged or ignored, one of my greatest gifts from making amends came from my oldest brother whom I had written to as part of my inventory. He never mentioned my letter when we chatted on the phone or saw each other at family parties. Several years ago he became very ill and in the course of three months a rare form of brain cancer took his life. I cherish the afternoon I spent alone with him in his room where he was under care. He couldn’t carry on much conversation as he was heavily medicated for pain. But, there was a moment where Dave reached his hand out to mine, held tightly and whispered “I love you”. At that moment, I knew that we were “good”. God’s grace had been poured out into the room making reconciliation complete.

In the Book of Matthew we read from chapter 5 verses 23-24 these words: “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.”. As always, when we see the word “therefore”, it’s beneficial to read the verses that come before the content. In prior verses, Matthew has recorded what Jesus had to say about dealing with anger in relationships. The entire chapter is worth reading and I encourage you to do so!

Finally, an ongoing benefit of making amends for our past wrongdoings, lays a new foundation moving forward in all of our relationships. The ability to quickly apologize and say I’m sorry in the moment, far outweighs ignoring our actions and believing to let them go unattended. Again–and I cannot stress or encourage this trait too much–the ability to be open and honest in our relationships is SO healthy for all concerned regardless if it’s our spouse, children, family members, employers or co-workers, even complete strangers!

Once you have completed Step 9 you will experience a new freedom and a new happiness. You will comprehend the word serenity and know peace!

LOVE INCLUDES SAYING YOU’RE SORRY

Good or bad, I’m a product of the 70’s…actually graduating from high school in 1971. One of “our” iconic movies was “Love Story” starring Ryan O’Neal and Ali McGraw.

A catchphrase made popular from this romantic love story is “love means never having to say sorry”. In its context, movie goers embraced this scripted line, and now some 50 plus years later, those familiar with the film can quote this infamous line without a second thought. As touching as these words are, do they contain truth when it comes to a healthy relationship? In a world within cleverly written movie scripts, perhaps so. In the confines of creating and building healthy relationships between people, no.

Step 8 in the recovery process tells us: “We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.” And, the scripture verse that accompanies this step–often referred to as the “golden rule” comes from Luke 6:30: “Do to others as you would have them do to you”.

Saying “I’m sorry” did not come easy for me from childhood up until I chose to enter the recovery process through Celebrate Recovery. Though I had very loving parents, saying “I’m sorry” wasn’t something that was modeled with great intention. My mom was rather stoic–perhaps due to her German ethnicity–my dad was very easy going and didn’t look for ways to upset anyone whether they be family or friends. So, a simple act of making an apology for things other than bumping into someone in the store, turning away someone trying to purchase a ticket to a sold out performance, was foreign to me.

But, I don’t want to run ahead of Step 8. In this step the person merely makes a “list” of ALL people they know they have harmed and a willingness to apologize. For some, the column of names will be short. Others may be quite extensive. Both are done under the guidance of God’s Holy Spirit. It’s recommended that a person begin compiling their list starting with parents–after all, that’s our point of origin. Then siblings are added, friends, co-workers, employers, teachers, etc. Although this step doesn’t indicate it, in addition to writing down each person’s name and their relationship, we write in another column how we actually harmed them. 

When I was a kid we often barked at someone who had just called us an unpleasant name with “sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me”. Now that I’m an adult I have come to the reality how absolutely untrue and absurd that statement is when dealing with conflict. When I was in the 5th grade I needed to get eye glasses. Not many others in my grade wore them; I had the unfortunate privilege of being called “four eyes”. It caused embarrassment and anger then and even though years later I’ve had lasik surgery and reduced the power of my prescription for reading glasses alone, my anger from age 10 is a memory and a hurt I’ll not forget. In retaliation, I’m most certain I said my fair share of unkind things to my neighborhood friends and classmates as well. Our childhood experiences take us into adulthood where often we use the same methods of communication in family and/or work relationships. So, as we compile our list of those we have harmed, by being willing to be honest about our own behavior, we are making progress towards our next step which is learning how to properly apologize and “clear the air”, which is Step 9 and the subject of my next column.

An added bonus to this step is learning and accepting to recognize with greater awareness when you have “hurt” someone which puts a damper on your relationship with that person. By recognizing a moment of acting out in a negative character flaw, you can actually make a U-turn and change hurt feelings into reconciliation, healing, and healthier conversations.

Luke’s words that we commonly call the “golden rule” are so easy to hear but I’m willing to wager that most of us have not always put in practice what he’s admonishing us to do when we are with family, friends, co-workers, posting comments on social media, interacting with the public, etc. In his 1988 bid for the U.S. Presidency George H.W. Bush was quoted as calling for a “kinder, gentler nation”. I love that, it exemplifies how I feel and though it’s 36 years later I still remember it was he who spoke them. 

This week, June 11, at Celebrate Recovery we are hosting a BBQ for our group and anyone who’d like to check out the ministry. Our meal begins at 6 pm, followed by several short testimonies from several of our own local  leaders. We are also launching the children’s portion of Celebrate Recovery for ages kindergarten through 5th grade. Parents will remain with the adults while the children enjoy their own lesson and activities. For more information please email: celebraterecovery@fowlervilleub.org 

We meet every Tuesday, at Fowlerville United Brethren in Christ Church, 9300 W. Grand River, Fowlerville. 

“Pride makes us artificial and humility makes us real” (Thomas Merton)

I honestly don’t know anything about Mr. Merton other than what a quick search online told me about who he was. One area of renown for him was his achievement becoming an influential American Catholic author in the 20th century. Regardless of his education and understanding of theology compared to my own, the above quote ties in perfectly with Step 7 from the recovery program. This step reads: “We humbly asked Him to remove all our shortcomings”.

I’ve met a lot of people in my life who truly struggle with being humble. Pride is very much a stronghold in we humans and I’ve witnessed my fair share of that character trait as well. Even false humility can be disturbing behavior when it’s being used as a mask to make ourselves appear to be something we are not. Embracing humility as a virtue has additional rewards such as what Proverbs 11: 2 tells us: “With humility comes wisdom”.

When folks attend a Celebrate Recovery meeting for a calendar year, they will hear about 26 lessons. Lesson number 1—which is taught at the beginning of January–is titled “Denial” and addresses our need to sincerely stop denying that we have a problem, an addiction, a destructive behavior wrecking our emotional and/or physical health, or damaging our relationships with others. Coming out of denial can be tied to becoming humble along the road to recovery, thus we reach a point when evaluating our lives that we are recognizing our “shortcomings” defined as a fault, failure to meet a certain standard, typically in our character. 

I had a high school friend who became a lawyer. When I met “B” in high school, though I liked him for his humor and talents, he had a tendency to be very arrogant, sarcastic, argumentative, and enjoyed making others look foolish. Some of his traits may have appeared to be perfect for litigating cases before a judge and/or jury, yet I remember when a family member of his told me about an experience where “B” thought he was the cat’s meow in a court case only to have the judge verbally shred him. I can only imagine how angry “B” became in the aftermath, yet knowing him as I did, I’m almost certain he could not or would not ever admit the judge may have made some valid points while scolding a young attorney. “B’s’ ‘ behavior, his negative traits are what we at CR mean when we begin defining our “shortcomings”. However, unlike “B” being confronted by a judge for all who were present to witness, God is a gentleman and will do necessary “scoldings’ ‘ in the privacy of our prayer life with Him. Now, don’t misunderstand me when I use the word “scolding” in relation to God talking to us. He doesn’t yell. He doesn’t scream. His words with us are not harsh, BUT they can and sometimes will be very direct, and will come from His heart of love and discipline towards us.  Afterall, Hebrews 12: 6 says: “For the Lord disciplines those He loves, and chastises every son He accepts.”

When we take time to truly evaluate our shortcomings in the presence of God, we receive the most powerful acts from Him which is His faithfulness to forgive and to purify us from all unrighteousness! I don’t know about you, but those words which come directly from 1 John 1: 9 give me hope and assurance as I work through recovery!

“B” and I no longer have a relationship; it was severed a few years ago after having over 50 years of friendship. He never changed from being a prideful young lawyer. Even after years of practice, achieving many possessions in life, being forced to retire sooner than he planned, his life when we parted our ways was still one accentuated by the character traits I listed above. If I were to apply Merton’s quote to “B’s” life, I could honestly say my former friend is living trapped in pride which makes me wonder, draws me to pray, what is buried so deep in his hidden emotions, his soul, that make him appear to be living a “fake” existence when God could enter and make things “real”.

I can only imagine that if “B” were ever to accept someone’s else’s wisdom, it may absolutely be the key to unlocking the door to exposing his shortcomings that are keeping him from living a more healthy, joyful life.